I always appreciate the start of a new year, a chance to etch out time for myself to reflect on where I've been and where I'm going. In the midst of our day-to-day lives, it can be easy to lose sight of our ability to asses and, oftentimes, make simple adjustments that can possibly yield drastic results to improve aspects of life. I think about my desire, this year specifically, to really improve on particular aspects of my teaching. At the beginning of the year, I was able to create a realistic and practical plan for improving one specific aspect of teaching - questioning and discussion. I identified a book and a few articles that I thought would be beneficial and I read them quickly - it felt good to know my plan wasn't just a plan! Of course, reading about improving the quality of my questioning isn't going to do anything unless I can effectively put it into practice...and sometimes, that's where the breakdown is. In the daily grind, it can be easy to forget about the specifics of what I'm trying to improve. It oftentimes comes down to writing myself a note on my lesson plans or adding a reflection of some sort to the to-do list that sits on my desk. Even with the best of intentions, the train falls off the track when the conductor's retired to the dining car (not sure if that analogy was prepared to be taken THAT far, but you get the point). Setting a goal and having a plan is half the battle, but it sure an't the whole thing.
My go-to role model/mentor/sensei for everything life, happiness, and life improvement, Gretchen Rubin, wrote about the idea of resolutions vs. goals in her first book, The Happiness Project. While we (people, including myself) enjoy the opportunity for change that comes along with the start of a new year, there's a distinction to be made between a resolution and a goal. Rubin writes, "You hit a goal, you achieve a goal. You keep a resolution. I think that some objectives are better characterized as resolutions, others, as goals. 'Run in a marathon' or 'Become fluent in Spanish' is a good goal. It’s specific. It’s easy to tell when it has been achieved. Once you’ve done it, you’ve done it! 'Eat more vegetables' or 'Stop gossiping,' or 'Exercise' is better cast as a resolution. You won’t wake up one morning and find that you’ve achieved it. It’s something that you have to resolve to do, every day, forever. You’ll never be done with it."
My instinct is to poo-poo goals opposed to resolutions, but I've come to realize the point isn't for one to be "better" than the other as much as it is to simply recognize there is a distinction between the two. While being more active is a resolution I will always be working on, setting the goal of running my first half-marathon was what helped me jump start it. While they are finite, I do well with goals, with the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a visible achievement. When I think about the upcoming year, I see a place, and even a need, for both goals and resolutions. Regardless of what you call it, these goals/resolutions require a lot of the same things - commitment, persistence, resiliance, and a dose of reality.
And thus begins the real work - actually naming my goals and resolutions for 2014.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
THE (Other) One
Maybe I've been here before and maybe I'll be back here again, so pardon me for getting caught up in the emotions of it all, but I think I have found THE one - the person who makes me want to be a better person, who brings out a side of me I didn't know was there, who makes me slow down in the craziness of life. This person is my yoga instructor.
I started attending a Thursday night class at the gym in September, when I was attempting to create some semblance of a post-wedding schedule and life. She had subbed for an instructor for a class I was taking last year and I really enjoyed it. She made the experience what I wanted it to be, the reason I had continued to dabble with yoga.
I hear friends talk about finding "the (workout) one" and about the sparks that fly (ahem FBT), so I've spent some time thinking about this phenomenon, if you will. Maybe it's the fact that we can almost recreate ourselves, molding who we are into the person we want to be, through the eyes of someone else. Someone who doesn't know anything about you other than what you bring to the table in that hour, in that studio, on the bike, on that mat. Maybe it's their unobstructed attitude about the task at hand. I feel confident I've created an illusion, but it's one I'll hold on to just tightly enough to keep it close without bursting it with reality.
Before Ryan and I started working together about six months ago, I wondered what it would be like to see and be seen in a new light, even by my own partner. It's mind blowing to me that our closest family and friends seem to almost have these "secret" lives we will never truly know. Some people call these secret lives "work," but it's really true. So much of what we know of someone's work life is through them and that's not to say it's a bad thing, but it's baffling to me. When I refer to my dad's work friends jokingly in conversation, I often feel like I'm making a joke or referring to imaginary people (since I've never met them, how could they possibly be real?!). Similarly, I could name dozens of friends' co-workers who I enjoy referring to, but really, I do it because to me, it sounds fake and funny. Now my husband and I drive to work together every day and everyone I know and interact with, he knows and interacts with. With that comes a lot of great things - empathy, combined forces to think up ideas I couldn't do without him, the ability to see that otherwise secret side I may never have seen...even though we are married.
Like anything else, it's about finding a balance. For most people, there will naturally be parts of your life that cannot be completely shared with others. When that feels like it's not there, or maybe when even that's not enough, I find that going to the gym, running, or taking a class can feel like a chance to have something truly just for yourself. Nevertheless, the best support systems are those made up of the people who know all sides of us - who can celebrate our highs because they were there for the lows - but I guess I just like having a place, a person, who recognizes me in a light no one else knows.
I started attending a Thursday night class at the gym in September, when I was attempting to create some semblance of a post-wedding schedule and life. She had subbed for an instructor for a class I was taking last year and I really enjoyed it. She made the experience what I wanted it to be, the reason I had continued to dabble with yoga.
I hear friends talk about finding "the (workout) one" and about the sparks that fly (ahem FBT), so I've spent some time thinking about this phenomenon, if you will. Maybe it's the fact that we can almost recreate ourselves, molding who we are into the person we want to be, through the eyes of someone else. Someone who doesn't know anything about you other than what you bring to the table in that hour, in that studio, on the bike, on that mat. Maybe it's their unobstructed attitude about the task at hand. I feel confident I've created an illusion, but it's one I'll hold on to just tightly enough to keep it close without bursting it with reality.
Before Ryan and I started working together about six months ago, I wondered what it would be like to see and be seen in a new light, even by my own partner. It's mind blowing to me that our closest family and friends seem to almost have these "secret" lives we will never truly know. Some people call these secret lives "work," but it's really true. So much of what we know of someone's work life is through them and that's not to say it's a bad thing, but it's baffling to me. When I refer to my dad's work friends jokingly in conversation, I often feel like I'm making a joke or referring to imaginary people (since I've never met them, how could they possibly be real?!). Similarly, I could name dozens of friends' co-workers who I enjoy referring to, but really, I do it because to me, it sounds fake and funny. Now my husband and I drive to work together every day and everyone I know and interact with, he knows and interacts with. With that comes a lot of great things - empathy, combined forces to think up ideas I couldn't do without him, the ability to see that otherwise secret side I may never have seen...even though we are married.
Like anything else, it's about finding a balance. For most people, there will naturally be parts of your life that cannot be completely shared with others. When that feels like it's not there, or maybe when even that's not enough, I find that going to the gym, running, or taking a class can feel like a chance to have something truly just for yourself. Nevertheless, the best support systems are those made up of the people who know all sides of us - who can celebrate our highs because they were there for the lows - but I guess I just like having a place, a person, who recognizes me in a light no one else knows.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Managing it All
Each year when August rolls around and school returns, I feel like I'm relearning how to manage, with easy, all the moving pieces of life - how to juggle hours worth of lesson planning without feeling I've lost my whole weekend, how to allow for mid-week mental breaks, how to stay in better contact with loved ones far away, and literally how to find time to just get it all done. I'm so fortunate to have friends who know me so well, but when I was telling a friend the other day about this desire to better balance my professional and personal lives, she responded with something to the effect of, "You're always working on this." And she's completely right. I certainly am inching closer to developing more solid habits that help me to find the balance, but I have a sneaking suspicion that just when I think I've got it all together, new things will magically appear to fill my time. Of course, I want to get better about managing it all, but I don't think I'll ever get to that much-desired state of having endless free time that I so deeply think I desire. I don't think it's about getting it all done to free up time, but rather, about carving out time that's set aside for myself - my me time. There will always be more to do, but if I don't take the time to occasionally put myself first, who will?
Of course, that's where running comes in. In the race to do it all at work over this first months back, I had definitely been in a running lull and that's okay. But as I start to get back into a routine, I notice what I was missing. Time for myself doesn't usually just appear in front of me, carved out and ready to go. Just as I continue to practice on the balance beam of life, I continue to see the place running has in that act. It's not everyone's thing (I guess they call these things "hobbies"), but after nearly four years (!), I have come to recognize that's it mine.
Today I saw this quote - "It is an ironic habit of human beings to run fast when we have lost our way" (Rollo May) - and I laughed. I love that, because it's so honest and true. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or inadequate at work, my gut reaction is to pour my time in to make everything better really quickly, but there comes a point when you need to take a step back and find your way.
So despite all the reasons I could find to avoid running at this moment, I'm embracing i. With open arms, as my reset, my (cold) deep breath, and my scheduled me time.
Of course, that's where running comes in. In the race to do it all at work over this first months back, I had definitely been in a running lull and that's okay. But as I start to get back into a routine, I notice what I was missing. Time for myself doesn't usually just appear in front of me, carved out and ready to go. Just as I continue to practice on the balance beam of life, I continue to see the place running has in that act. It's not everyone's thing (I guess they call these things "hobbies"), but after nearly four years (!), I have come to recognize that's it mine.
Today I saw this quote - "It is an ironic habit of human beings to run fast when we have lost our way" (Rollo May) - and I laughed. I love that, because it's so honest and true. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or inadequate at work, my gut reaction is to pour my time in to make everything better really quickly, but there comes a point when you need to take a step back and find your way.
So despite all the reasons I could find to avoid running at this moment, I'm embracing i. With open arms, as my reset, my (cold) deep breath, and my scheduled me time.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Give and Take of Team Sports
NYC Marathon Eve seems like a perfect time to break the drought I didn't even realize I was perpetuating. Since adjusting back to real life post-summer/wedding, it's been a slow ease back into a routine of running/physical activity. There will always be a list of reasons why it's difficult to fit it all in, so there's no point in rattling them off. When it's a priority, you make it work.
It has taken some time for me though to feel like it was a priority, but in the past few weeks, I've slowly eased back into routine of running/yoga and excited to slowly build back my base, and possibly more importantly, my confidence, to get myself ready for some goals my big eyes are set on for 2014. It feels good to be getting back.
Throughout this week, I've been eagerly anticipating and waiting tomorrow, when three of my favorite friends and runners, including one of my nearest and dearest friends/biggest running inspiration, will toe the starting line for the world famous NYC Marathon. Yesterday, I went to watch some of our middle school students play in the championship soccer game, and couldn't help but compare it to a more traditional team sport. After the goalie (ahem, my student - so proud!) made a great save or when the game set to be determined by PKs (as I've been informed they're called), I admired the way the boys all huddled together, supporting one another. I never played a team sport and I always envied that aspect of it...the camaraderie and sense of togetherness. The game came down to a just a few individual moments and ultimately, a shoot out, where our boys lost by one kick. I easily could have shed a few tears - they were so close and I so badly wanted them to feel the feelings that come with winning. Of course, getting to the championship alone was a great feat, but when you're that close, it's impossible to not just want it all.
As we returned to the car, I realized that's something I would never trade about my relationship with running. It's not competitive against anyone but myself. Everyone can truly feel the success of it, because you're only measuring you against yourself. You couldn't run for 5 minutes before? Well now you're running a 5k! Running is about the relationship you have with yourself. When every moment of our days can feel scheduled or jammed, it's invaluable to be able to set aside time just for me.
While I wish I had the experience of reaping the benefits of a team sport, I'm not sure I could handle the responsibility of it, even as an adult. The more you run, the more you realize that running isn't a team sport, but it's certainly not isolated. I think of the countless runs I've shared with friends, of all of the support and growth that's occurred through the support of others.
It has taken some time for me though to feel like it was a priority, but in the past few weeks, I've slowly eased back into routine of running/yoga and excited to slowly build back my base, and possibly more importantly, my confidence, to get myself ready for some goals my big eyes are set on for 2014. It feels good to be getting back.
Throughout this week, I've been eagerly anticipating and waiting tomorrow, when three of my favorite friends and runners, including one of my nearest and dearest friends/biggest running inspiration, will toe the starting line for the world famous NYC Marathon. Yesterday, I went to watch some of our middle school students play in the championship soccer game, and couldn't help but compare it to a more traditional team sport. After the goalie (ahem, my student - so proud!) made a great save or when the game set to be determined by PKs (as I've been informed they're called), I admired the way the boys all huddled together, supporting one another. I never played a team sport and I always envied that aspect of it...the camaraderie and sense of togetherness. The game came down to a just a few individual moments and ultimately, a shoot out, where our boys lost by one kick. I easily could have shed a few tears - they were so close and I so badly wanted them to feel the feelings that come with winning. Of course, getting to the championship alone was a great feat, but when you're that close, it's impossible to not just want it all.
As we returned to the car, I realized that's something I would never trade about my relationship with running. It's not competitive against anyone but myself. Everyone can truly feel the success of it, because you're only measuring you against yourself. You couldn't run for 5 minutes before? Well now you're running a 5k! Running is about the relationship you have with yourself. When every moment of our days can feel scheduled or jammed, it's invaluable to be able to set aside time just for me.
While I wish I had the experience of reaping the benefits of a team sport, I'm not sure I could handle the responsibility of it, even as an adult. The more you run, the more you realize that running isn't a team sport, but it's certainly not isolated. I think of the countless runs I've shared with friends, of all of the support and growth that's occurred through the support of others.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Letting Go
In February, I wrote about the feeling of calm that comes before the rest of the world wakes up on a snow day. Today, I was reminded of that same feeling, as I stepped out onto our balcony overlooking the bay here in Traverse City. It's certainly not that early, but early enough that no one else has made it down to the water just yet. In the busy world we live in, I can appreciate even the illusion of quiet and calm.
It's been almost a week since our wedding and I've spent a good part of the past week looking for words to talk about it all. I don't think there's any way to summarize something as wonderful as this...so I'm not sure it's worth trying. Leading up to last weekend, I was surprised as how generally calm I was. We needed to bring nearly everything to the venue several days before the wedding, so it was good to get those things completely done and off our hands early in the week. It was a strange feeling though to have little to do leading up to a day we had spent over a year planning. At times, it felt like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop...for something to catch me off guard and send me off my rocker, like a detail I claimed to not care at all about that suddenly was going to ruin the entire weekend. I'm proud to say I made it through the whole weekend without that though. I had thought about it a lot beforehand and I didn't want to spend the whole wedding so busy worrying that things wouldn't go right that I missed all the amazing things that were happening. I can see how easy it is to get fixated on it needing to all be perfect, especially if you're someone who has an eye for these sorts of things...decorations, colors, flowers. We, being me and Ryan, our parents and our bridal party and friends, spent a lot of time over the past year preparing for this one day, and it felt good to finally just let go of all the worrying, and be in the moment.
I was talking recently with a friend who was impressed by my having run a few half-marathons. Having only known this person since I've moved to Ann Arbor, it was hard to emphasize how I haven't always been a runner...it has been and continues to be a lot of work to be able to say I've run that distance. When I think about why I have and will continue to do it, a big reason is all of the emotions that come along with it, particularly at the end. Like planning a wedding, training for a race takes months of hard work, compromise, and commitment. While the days leading up to a race can be overwhelming and even frightening, I'm always reminded that at that point, the hard work is (err, or isn't) done. All you can do is let go, enjoy the time you've put in, trust yourself, and be present in the moment. For me, it's worth the months of hard work to just be able to let go. It seems we're always so busy, there's always going to be something big going on. We always dream about this idea of "later," when things aren't so hectic, but is there really that time? Oddly enough, for me, running is a chance to stop, feel, and just be.
I always hear people say that their wedding was the best of their life and I've realized now that that's possible - we are all going to have different best days. I feel a little like I'm jumping on the bandwagon, but for me, it's true as well. As crazy as that day was, there were moments within it that I will always remember so clearly, moments I've deemed my "mental snapshots" (thank you Jim and Pam), where their memory brings the exact emotions of those moments back - breakfast with some of my best friends outside on the patio that morning; seeing Ryan for the first time that afternoon; sandwiched between my parents, deep breaths taken just before walking down the aisle; watching from the balcony before being introduced to what would be a ridiculously perfect party.
I'm going to throw it out there and guess that life is never going to slow down. There will be moments we remember to take those mental snapshots, but the rest of our days will keep flying by. Having things that anchor us - runs that give us nothing but time to think, races that allow us to appreciate everything and everyone in our lives - help make sure we remember to slow down, stop worrying for even just for a little, and enjoy it...things that make sure we don't just drift through it all.
It's been almost a week since our wedding and I've spent a good part of the past week looking for words to talk about it all. I don't think there's any way to summarize something as wonderful as this...so I'm not sure it's worth trying. Leading up to last weekend, I was surprised as how generally calm I was. We needed to bring nearly everything to the venue several days before the wedding, so it was good to get those things completely done and off our hands early in the week. It was a strange feeling though to have little to do leading up to a day we had spent over a year planning. At times, it felt like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop...for something to catch me off guard and send me off my rocker, like a detail I claimed to not care at all about that suddenly was going to ruin the entire weekend. I'm proud to say I made it through the whole weekend without that though. I had thought about it a lot beforehand and I didn't want to spend the whole wedding so busy worrying that things wouldn't go right that I missed all the amazing things that were happening. I can see how easy it is to get fixated on it needing to all be perfect, especially if you're someone who has an eye for these sorts of things...decorations, colors, flowers. We, being me and Ryan, our parents and our bridal party and friends, spent a lot of time over the past year preparing for this one day, and it felt good to finally just let go of all the worrying, and be in the moment.
I was talking recently with a friend who was impressed by my having run a few half-marathons. Having only known this person since I've moved to Ann Arbor, it was hard to emphasize how I haven't always been a runner...it has been and continues to be a lot of work to be able to say I've run that distance. When I think about why I have and will continue to do it, a big reason is all of the emotions that come along with it, particularly at the end. Like planning a wedding, training for a race takes months of hard work, compromise, and commitment. While the days leading up to a race can be overwhelming and even frightening, I'm always reminded that at that point, the hard work is (err, or isn't) done. All you can do is let go, enjoy the time you've put in, trust yourself, and be present in the moment. For me, it's worth the months of hard work to just be able to let go. It seems we're always so busy, there's always going to be something big going on. We always dream about this idea of "later," when things aren't so hectic, but is there really that time? Oddly enough, for me, running is a chance to stop, feel, and just be.
I always hear people say that their wedding was the best of their life and I've realized now that that's possible - we are all going to have different best days. I feel a little like I'm jumping on the bandwagon, but for me, it's true as well. As crazy as that day was, there were moments within it that I will always remember so clearly, moments I've deemed my "mental snapshots" (thank you Jim and Pam), where their memory brings the exact emotions of those moments back - breakfast with some of my best friends outside on the patio that morning; seeing Ryan for the first time that afternoon; sandwiched between my parents, deep breaths taken just before walking down the aisle; watching from the balcony before being introduced to what would be a ridiculously perfect party.
I'm going to throw it out there and guess that life is never going to slow down. There will be moments we remember to take those mental snapshots, but the rest of our days will keep flying by. Having things that anchor us - runs that give us nothing but time to think, races that allow us to appreciate everything and everyone in our lives - help make sure we remember to slow down, stop worrying for even just for a little, and enjoy it...things that make sure we don't just drift through it all.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Getting Married in the Morning!
I've said it before and I'll say it again - one of my most favorite things about running (and then blogging about it) is how much of a metaphor it is for the rest of life. Tomorrow will be a huge day in my life - our wedding! - so it's only natural that yet again I make the comparison as I reflect on everything that has led up to this day.
In the course of a single year of wedding planning, you are asked how it's going an incredible amount of times. I'm not pointing fingers - my engaged friends will tell you I do the same thing - but I realized quickly how hard it is to give a true answer. Usually, I respond with whatever was happening RIGHT then - a big cross-off on the to-do list or a recent time suck over a very minor detail. But to really summarize how it's ALL going? All of the things you do and feelings you feel and people involved? That's much harder to do.
I went for a run on Wednesday to the park where Ryan and I got engaged and with so much going on this week, I appreciated the time to be by myself and think. One of the last things left to do this week has been writing thank you cards to our parents and the bridal party. I thought about all the times during this past year that I have tried my hardest to express my gratitude for EVERYTHING they have done for me and for us. After a beautiful and thoughtful bridal shower, I choked my way through a short thank you, sent an email and wrote thank you cards. After an incredible weekend away with all my girlfriends in AC, I tried yet again with phone calls and more words. As I began writing this final expression of my appreciation, I just now realizing that it is never going to be enough. I've wanted so badly to be able to truly convey what this year has meant to me. Of course, it's about me and Ryan, but we decided to have the wedding we're having because having our family and friends be a big part of it was so important to us. They have truly made this year, and will make this weekend, what it was for us.
And so when I reflect back on this past year, what stands out are the moments with the people we love so much - getting engaged with our families nearby to celebrate; the excitement and love we received after sending out our bookmarks; knowing that our friends from Michigan are coming all the way out here this; walking into a bridal shower that was a product of SO much time, thoughtfulness, love and effort, with so many amazing women in my life present; doing so again just two months later in AC; being with our families just last night and hearing them laugh together the way that they do together. It feels incredibly great to have it feel exactly how I wanted it to feel going into this weekend. For all of the time we have all put into the details, if I were to summarize this last year, they would have no part in it. I didn't want to become so consumed in details (which is easy to do with this, let me tell you!) that I lost sight of who and what really mattered about this weekend. My summary would be a snapshot of these favorite moments and the feelings that accompanied them.
On Wednesday's run, I thought about the races I've done, and all the support and love I've received along the road to race day. While I know there were days when I got caught up in the details (and have the blog posts to prove it), just as with this year of planning, when I think back to it all now, it's the people and the feelings that stick out most. I never would have run even one half - or any of the runs that prepared me for them - without training runs with countless number of my biggest fans; my parents's encouragement and confidence in me; texts, emails, and calls of encouragement and well wishes; cheerleaders on every course rooting me on and bringing a smile to my face. I tear up just thinking about it....maybe that's what keeps me connected to running. It's a clear reminder to me of how fortunate I am for the support system that I have. I couldn't have done any of those races without it...and I wouldn't have wanted to.
Reflecting on the parallels between running and this last year, I think I've finally realized what I was bound to realize eventually. There will never be a point in time when I feel like I've truly expressed my gratitude for what all of my support systems - my parents and family, my friends, and of course, Ryan - have done for me. I can write as many emails and cards as I want, and choke my way through as many verbal thank you's as I am willing to attempt, but if things keeping going the way they're going, I will inevitably always be left feeling like I got a really good end of the stick. Into our married life (!!!), I know this will continue to be a blessing for us....to have people we can lean on when we need to, and people we can share our lives with.
If the only thing left to do the morning before our wedding is just to feel all the feelings - gratitude, love, appreciation, excitement - then I consider myself pretty lucky....but also a little stuck. I'm not sure this one will ever get crossed off the to-do list.
In the course of a single year of wedding planning, you are asked how it's going an incredible amount of times. I'm not pointing fingers - my engaged friends will tell you I do the same thing - but I realized quickly how hard it is to give a true answer. Usually, I respond with whatever was happening RIGHT then - a big cross-off on the to-do list or a recent time suck over a very minor detail. But to really summarize how it's ALL going? All of the things you do and feelings you feel and people involved? That's much harder to do.
I went for a run on Wednesday to the park where Ryan and I got engaged and with so much going on this week, I appreciated the time to be by myself and think. One of the last things left to do this week has been writing thank you cards to our parents and the bridal party. I thought about all the times during this past year that I have tried my hardest to express my gratitude for EVERYTHING they have done for me and for us. After a beautiful and thoughtful bridal shower, I choked my way through a short thank you, sent an email and wrote thank you cards. After an incredible weekend away with all my girlfriends in AC, I tried yet again with phone calls and more words. As I began writing this final expression of my appreciation, I just now realizing that it is never going to be enough. I've wanted so badly to be able to truly convey what this year has meant to me. Of course, it's about me and Ryan, but we decided to have the wedding we're having because having our family and friends be a big part of it was so important to us. They have truly made this year, and will make this weekend, what it was for us.
And so when I reflect back on this past year, what stands out are the moments with the people we love so much - getting engaged with our families nearby to celebrate; the excitement and love we received after sending out our bookmarks; knowing that our friends from Michigan are coming all the way out here this; walking into a bridal shower that was a product of SO much time, thoughtfulness, love and effort, with so many amazing women in my life present; doing so again just two months later in AC; being with our families just last night and hearing them laugh together the way that they do together. It feels incredibly great to have it feel exactly how I wanted it to feel going into this weekend. For all of the time we have all put into the details, if I were to summarize this last year, they would have no part in it. I didn't want to become so consumed in details (which is easy to do with this, let me tell you!) that I lost sight of who and what really mattered about this weekend. My summary would be a snapshot of these favorite moments and the feelings that accompanied them.
On Wednesday's run, I thought about the races I've done, and all the support and love I've received along the road to race day. While I know there were days when I got caught up in the details (and have the blog posts to prove it), just as with this year of planning, when I think back to it all now, it's the people and the feelings that stick out most. I never would have run even one half - or any of the runs that prepared me for them - without training runs with countless number of my biggest fans; my parents's encouragement and confidence in me; texts, emails, and calls of encouragement and well wishes; cheerleaders on every course rooting me on and bringing a smile to my face. I tear up just thinking about it....maybe that's what keeps me connected to running. It's a clear reminder to me of how fortunate I am for the support system that I have. I couldn't have done any of those races without it...and I wouldn't have wanted to.
Reflecting on the parallels between running and this last year, I think I've finally realized what I was bound to realize eventually. There will never be a point in time when I feel like I've truly expressed my gratitude for what all of my support systems - my parents and family, my friends, and of course, Ryan - have done for me. I can write as many emails and cards as I want, and choke my way through as many verbal thank you's as I am willing to attempt, but if things keeping going the way they're going, I will inevitably always be left feeling like I got a really good end of the stick. Into our married life (!!!), I know this will continue to be a blessing for us....to have people we can lean on when we need to, and people we can share our lives with.
If the only thing left to do the morning before our wedding is just to feel all the feelings - gratitude, love, appreciation, excitement - then I consider myself pretty lucky....but also a little stuck. I'm not sure this one will ever get crossed off the to-do list.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
The Paradox of Summer
It seems this happens nearly every summer. School's out, and with all this "free time" (which is really an illusion), I fall out of the daily routine. While I do still think about blogging, there never seems to be a good time or moment to get it done. Well now...THIS IS THAT MOMENT!
This summer has been, and will continue to be, filled with so many amazing people, places, and events. I returned to New Orleans for 2+ weeks, went down to DC twice for super fun weddings, attended two conferences for work, and have now returned East in anticipation of our upcoming nuptials. While I am so thankful that I have the time off from work to do these things, traveling always makes maintaining any kind of routine a challenge, especially for me. For once, it seems, I was proactive though, and knew this would happen. While a shortage of time and energy in New Orleans left my sneakers untouched for quite some time, the rest of the summer has been filled with a lot of different alternatives to "just" running. I got a 3-class free pass to a gym in Philly and a month membership to a gym in New York, where I'm excited to take advantage of their diverse class schedule. I'm enjoying the variety in work-outs (especially with the wedding just over two weeks away, of course!).
When I think about what I get out of running, it's mostly about having time that's kept separate from any to-do lists, a chunk of my day that's reserved for me. It's time to think... or time to not think at all. While my schedule has Mr. Potato Head'ed itself these past few weeks, I guess I have found a roundabout way to maintain some kind of routine. I am still getting what I need for me - some time for myself, a chance to burn some calories, and of course, an excuse to buy some new workout clothes :O).
This summer has been, and will continue to be, filled with so many amazing people, places, and events. I returned to New Orleans for 2+ weeks, went down to DC twice for super fun weddings, attended two conferences for work, and have now returned East in anticipation of our upcoming nuptials. While I am so thankful that I have the time off from work to do these things, traveling always makes maintaining any kind of routine a challenge, especially for me. For once, it seems, I was proactive though, and knew this would happen. While a shortage of time and energy in New Orleans left my sneakers untouched for quite some time, the rest of the summer has been filled with a lot of different alternatives to "just" running. I got a 3-class free pass to a gym in Philly and a month membership to a gym in New York, where I'm excited to take advantage of their diverse class schedule. I'm enjoying the variety in work-outs (especially with the wedding just over two weeks away, of course!).
When I think about what I get out of running, it's mostly about having time that's kept separate from any to-do lists, a chunk of my day that's reserved for me. It's time to think... or time to not think at all. While my schedule has Mr. Potato Head'ed itself these past few weeks, I guess I have found a roundabout way to maintain some kind of routine. I am still getting what I need for me - some time for myself, a chance to burn some calories, and of course, an excuse to buy some new workout clothes :O).
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Words from the Wise
"Remember the feeling you get from a good run is far better than the feeling you get from sitting around wishing you were running." - Sarah Condor
Saturday, April 20, 2013
I Run for Boston
This week has undeniably been an emotional week. Regardless of whether you are from Boston or are a runner, the tragedies of this week have impacted everyone.
Running for me has always been an escape, a "place" where anyone can be anything they want, or dream, to be. It's where I wrestle with bad days and tough situations and it's how I stay grounded when things get stressful. When I came home from work on Monday to see images of the world famous Boston Marathon and heard how an event that celebrates average people doing incredible things was shattered, it left my heart broken for so many different people and reasons. It was just pure unfair. How do we grapple with these things that happen for, really, no good reason? Where can we go to let our guard down and just be, when the one place I've always been able to go feels tainted?
Sindy sent me an article written by Matt Frazier from No Meat Athlete that helped me to begin to make sense of my emotions. I shared it with other runners who I knew would appreciate having their same feelings expressed so well, knowing we weren't alone. Maybe it's because I never played a team sport growing up, but I love the sense of community there is in what is typically considered a individual sport.
I was unsure about how to proceed the rest of the week. We've all been affected in our own ways. I feel slightly uneasy about loudly proclaiming my love, and just as Frazier noted, I wonder how I can run for people I don't even know. Nevertheless, we have all been impacted by these events, and I knew I had to just run to sort through and process it all. On Wednesday, I finally did that.
It was raining on and off during the run, which felt just right. While I think often about the impact running has had on my life, I thought about more than just that...about the connections and the kindness it brings into the world, about how so many people have already committed themselves to ensuring that the Boston Marathon is not synonymous with terror or bombing, but with love, dedication, and community, declaring that they will run it next year.
I've always loved a Kara Goucher quote about how running allows us to see how wonderful life is....and while it feels wrong to say it, I guess that's what this run did too. We will never forget the horrific acts of that day, but we cannot give up and be defeated. We must dust ourselves off and keep going to prove that we won't let acts of terror and violence dictate our lives.
Running for me has always been an escape, a "place" where anyone can be anything they want, or dream, to be. It's where I wrestle with bad days and tough situations and it's how I stay grounded when things get stressful. When I came home from work on Monday to see images of the world famous Boston Marathon and heard how an event that celebrates average people doing incredible things was shattered, it left my heart broken for so many different people and reasons. It was just pure unfair. How do we grapple with these things that happen for, really, no good reason? Where can we go to let our guard down and just be, when the one place I've always been able to go feels tainted?
Sindy sent me an article written by Matt Frazier from No Meat Athlete that helped me to begin to make sense of my emotions. I shared it with other runners who I knew would appreciate having their same feelings expressed so well, knowing we weren't alone. Maybe it's because I never played a team sport growing up, but I love the sense of community there is in what is typically considered a individual sport.
I was unsure about how to proceed the rest of the week. We've all been affected in our own ways. I feel slightly uneasy about loudly proclaiming my love, and just as Frazier noted, I wonder how I can run for people I don't even know. Nevertheless, we have all been impacted by these events, and I knew I had to just run to sort through and process it all. On Wednesday, I finally did that.
It was raining on and off during the run, which felt just right. While I think often about the impact running has had on my life, I thought about more than just that...about the connections and the kindness it brings into the world, about how so many people have already committed themselves to ensuring that the Boston Marathon is not synonymous with terror or bombing, but with love, dedication, and community, declaring that they will run it next year.
I've always loved a Kara Goucher quote about how running allows us to see how wonderful life is....and while it feels wrong to say it, I guess that's what this run did too. We will never forget the horrific acts of that day, but we cannot give up and be defeated. We must dust ourselves off and keep going to prove that we won't let acts of terror and violence dictate our lives.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Three Years!
This week marks the third anniversary of my running/blogging - wow! This chance to reflect on the impact running has had on my life has been important. As always, life gets so busy, and it's easy to make excuses. I don't just mean excuses to not work out, but excuses to cut out things that are important to us, just because they're not linked to work or "being productive." When there's an endless list of things to do, it's easy to drop off the "me" time, which for me, is really what running is.
Yesterday, I ran in my first 10k and it was great! In a nearly game day decision, Ryan decided to run with me and it made what could have been a cold and nerve-wrecking race fun and fast. At one point along the route, we were running behind two older women who had just connected while running. One of them may have had headphones in (or was just really loud), so it was easy to follow their conversation. It went something like this:
Lady 1: There you are! I was looking for you all morning.
Lady 2: Hi! Good to see you. Keep going. I don't want to hold you back.
Lady 1: No, don't be silly. I'm staying with you. I want to run together.
Lady 2: No, No. Go ahead.
Lady 1: I don't want to go ahead. I want to run this with YOU!!
This doesn't even do the scenario justice - it was perfect. People run for so many different reasons and whether or not one of those reasons involves other people, the camaraderie and relationships built and strengthened out on the road are truly priceless. I've gotten so much out of running, but when I think about the runs I've shared with friends, I am so thankful for this extra time together. I have no doubt that I wouldn't feel the way I do about running if it weren't for them - thank you!
After the 10k yesterday, we went to see David Sedaris speak/read and it was awesome. He was hilarious, and aside from being unable to walk after from my knees being so tight, it was a lot of fun. After his reading, he took questions from the audience and someone asked how touring had impacted his self-confidence and ego. He talked about how while at first he loved the applause and positive reinforcement from his audiences, he quickly realized how easy it was to dismiss this praise - "Oh what do they know?!" He talked about how being a writer from The New Yorker was what really solidified his feelings about and confidence in his work. Regardless of what people said, no one, not even he, could deny the fact that his work was good enough for The New Yorker.
I immediately related to this. It's so easy to dismiss praise and compliments from others if we don't believe in ourselves. While I pride myself on being self-reflective, it's a challenge to avoid being my harshest critic, overlooking what is undeniably there. Thinking about this, I decided to see how much I had run over these past three years. Aside from a few indoor runs on the track, most of my runs have been logged through a few different apps/devices, so I set out to collect and crunch the numbers. The purpose isn't to boast or brag, but to give myself solid evidence that even I couldn't dispute.
And now I have it. In three years, I've run 1179 miles over 270 runs - WHAT! That's nearly the equivalent of running from my current apartment in Michigan to my old one in Philadelphia....and then back to Michigan. My relationship with running is still far from perfect - I still dread, avoid, and skip runs. I still struggle to find the motivation to get out the front door. I still have days where something I've done dozens of times feels like it's the first time. Nevertheless, the time I've put into running over the past three years has had an incredible impact on my life and who I am. For me, running is more than one foot in front of the other. It's all the things that come along with it - the memories, friendships, accomplishments. It's the new places I've seen and the old places I've seen in a new light. Here's to another wonderful year of all these great things....and some running too :O).
Yesterday, I ran in my first 10k and it was great! In a nearly game day decision, Ryan decided to run with me and it made what could have been a cold and nerve-wrecking race fun and fast. At one point along the route, we were running behind two older women who had just connected while running. One of them may have had headphones in (or was just really loud), so it was easy to follow their conversation. It went something like this:
Lady 1: There you are! I was looking for you all morning.
Lady 2: Hi! Good to see you. Keep going. I don't want to hold you back.
Lady 1: No, don't be silly. I'm staying with you. I want to run together.
Lady 2: No, No. Go ahead.
Lady 1: I don't want to go ahead. I want to run this with YOU!!
This doesn't even do the scenario justice - it was perfect. People run for so many different reasons and whether or not one of those reasons involves other people, the camaraderie and relationships built and strengthened out on the road are truly priceless. I've gotten so much out of running, but when I think about the runs I've shared with friends, I am so thankful for this extra time together. I have no doubt that I wouldn't feel the way I do about running if it weren't for them - thank you!
After the 10k yesterday, we went to see David Sedaris speak/read and it was awesome. He was hilarious, and aside from being unable to walk after from my knees being so tight, it was a lot of fun. After his reading, he took questions from the audience and someone asked how touring had impacted his self-confidence and ego. He talked about how while at first he loved the applause and positive reinforcement from his audiences, he quickly realized how easy it was to dismiss this praise - "Oh what do they know?!" He talked about how being a writer from The New Yorker was what really solidified his feelings about and confidence in his work. Regardless of what people said, no one, not even he, could deny the fact that his work was good enough for The New Yorker.
I immediately related to this. It's so easy to dismiss praise and compliments from others if we don't believe in ourselves. While I pride myself on being self-reflective, it's a challenge to avoid being my harshest critic, overlooking what is undeniably there. Thinking about this, I decided to see how much I had run over these past three years. Aside from a few indoor runs on the track, most of my runs have been logged through a few different apps/devices, so I set out to collect and crunch the numbers. The purpose isn't to boast or brag, but to give myself solid evidence that even I couldn't dispute.
And now I have it. In three years, I've run 1179 miles over 270 runs - WHAT! That's nearly the equivalent of running from my current apartment in Michigan to my old one in Philadelphia....and then back to Michigan. My relationship with running is still far from perfect - I still dread, avoid, and skip runs. I still struggle to find the motivation to get out the front door. I still have days where something I've done dozens of times feels like it's the first time. Nevertheless, the time I've put into running over the past three years has had an incredible impact on my life and who I am. For me, running is more than one foot in front of the other. It's all the things that come along with it - the memories, friendships, accomplishments. It's the new places I've seen and the old places I've seen in a new light. Here's to another wonderful year of all these great things....and some running too :O).
Friday, April 5, 2013
Zoom In, Zoom Out
When I was landing in New
Orleans on Tuesday morning, I loved the chance to test my geographical
knowledge of a city I have now spent a significant amount of time visiting. The
curves of the Mississippi can make navigating New Orleans a challenge for
out-of-towners, so it was exciting to be able to local certain landmarks and
neighbors in the area as we began our descent.
On the occasion that a
city’s airport is actually near that
city, it’s a good feeling to be able to identify certain sites and appreciate a
familiar place from a new perspective. As we began to near New Orleans, I
realized that my two favorite ways to see both my favorite cities and new
places are completely the opposite – from the air and on foot.
On several trips down to
New Orleans specifically, I’ve had the chance to run in different parts of the
city. When I visited with my family a few years ago, an early morning run that
looped through some downtown neighborhoods left me a much better understanding
of what was what and how it all connected. When I went back last summer, I was
able to explore even more parts of the greater city, seeing things I most
likely wouldn’t have had the chance to if I weren’t running it.
Seeing cities from the air
can be the same thing. You see them in a different way – who knew there were so
many pools around here? – and the big picture provides you with a much
different feeling than when you’re up close.
I think about my
relationship with Philly, a city I feel so connected to, but in a unique way,
having not grown up there. I can easily think of a handful of routes I’ve run
throughout Philly – our usual jams in Manayunk, running up JFK through Love
Park and to the Art Museum, the Independence circuit, tackling the Ben Franklin
Bridge, crossing the East Falls Bridge, the Kelly Drive loop – and I feel all
warm and fuzzy. I am grateful that I have not only spent time doing things in
these places, but having run them makes that connection stronger. While I no
longer know all the curves of Kelly Drive, I am confident that running was an
avenue for me to get to know the city better, both on a geographically surface
level and on an I-love-everything-about-you level.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Taking Risks
Good morning from high above somewhere in Pennsylvania! I’m en route to New Orleans via Cleveland and after indulging in some back issues of Runner’s World during takeoff, have decided to update the old blogaroo.
Spring break started last week and I feel so fortunate to have this built-in time to visit with family and friends, both locally and back home. Without the stress of work looming over me, I feel more at ease to go out with friends and enjoy being in the moment, something I struggle with at times on a day-to-day basis. This time with people I care about has allowed for many conversations with loved ones and while they spanned topics and level of seriousness, I noticed a common thread popping up in many of them: taking risks.
When I started running and “racing” (the act of running in races) just about three years ago, I was terrified. I knew it was a huge risk to not only set out to achieve such a huge goal, but to incorporate so many people who mattered so much me. I started blogging about running and through fundraising for the Serious Fun Network, worked hard to spread the word about what I was doing. When for the first time ever, I was running 4-11 mile training runs, it was constantly a thought in my mind that I had a lot to lose if I couldn’t accomplish what I set out to – time, confidence, face. When I think back to that first half-marathon and take the time to relive those feelings, I don’t question for a moment if the risks I took in committing to a half-marathon were worth it. The high of the day and the rush of every part of it were invaluable.
As I reflect on conversations I’ve had these past few days in particular, both with others and with myself, I think about how the fear of taking risks can control us. We are afraid of the unknown so it’s normal to want to play it safe, but when I think about what there is to gain, the picture changes. Instead of jumping off a cliff, it feels more like a roller coaster. When we choose to care about someone or something else (such as rooting a college basketball team and immediately feeling sick with nerves, hypothetically speaking of course), commit to a race or physical challenge, or apply for a new job or position, it’s scary. The fear of the unknown makes taking risks a mind game, but we must think about the benefits of doing so. Some races won’t go the way I want, relationships may cause us pain or grief, obstacles we set out to conquer may leave us on the wrong side of the mountain, but instead of focusing on what might not be, I think we need to focus on what can be. In a world of half-full and half-empty, it’s been proven that a positive, optimistic attitude can yield better results – results that might not be possible if you never dare to dream.
In the roller coaster of life, maybe all we can do is be our own biggest cheerleader, thrive off the high of the peaks in the ride, and remember that after the clink-clink-clink of the incline and the stomach-in-your-throat feeling of the fall, we almost are always ready to push through the turn-style and ride it again.
Monday, March 18, 2013
10k Update
Over the past few weeks, I've been training for my first 10k race. I think this distance is exactly what I needed and I'm actually really excited for the run in April. I wanted something that was going to get me back into running without feeling pressure to cut out the other things I've enjoyed adding in, like Body Core at the gym and yoga. Knowing the 10k is coming up has been motivating and I'm really looking forward to running a race again, without the (self-imposed) pressure that comes with a half.
That being said, it's still hard to ALWAYS be in the mood or mental place to run. Last Monday, it was rainy all day, but literally as I pulled back in Ann Arbor after work, the skies cleared and it was beautiful. I ended up running nearly a mile more than I set out to, which is not something I ever really do. I was so thankful for the sun, because I know what a difference the weather makes...especially when the rain wasn't as kind to me today. I wanted to stay inside and enjoy some extra free time at home, but when it came down to it, I knew I would regret skipping. As soon as I got home, I got dressed, threw on a hat (which I never wear, so what a good excuse to use it!), and headed out. The temperature was just above freezing, so the spitting rain was definitely cold at first, but once I got going, it felt great....as it always does!
So overall, training has been great, or, more importantly, exactly what I wanted it to be. I was excited to reward myself with a new pair of sneakers - the Brooks I currently have and love - but when I went to buy them last night, I realized they were out of stock in my size. The shoe is marked down, so I think it's being discontinued, so I'm a little bummed, but I'm sure there's another pair of brightly colored sneakers out there for me...sigh.
That being said, it's still hard to ALWAYS be in the mood or mental place to run. Last Monday, it was rainy all day, but literally as I pulled back in Ann Arbor after work, the skies cleared and it was beautiful. I ended up running nearly a mile more than I set out to, which is not something I ever really do. I was so thankful for the sun, because I know what a difference the weather makes...especially when the rain wasn't as kind to me today. I wanted to stay inside and enjoy some extra free time at home, but when it came down to it, I knew I would regret skipping. As soon as I got home, I got dressed, threw on a hat (which I never wear, so what a good excuse to use it!), and headed out. The temperature was just above freezing, so the spitting rain was definitely cold at first, but once I got going, it felt great....as it always does!
So overall, training has been great, or, more importantly, exactly what I wanted it to be. I was excited to reward myself with a new pair of sneakers - the Brooks I currently have and love - but when I went to buy them last night, I realized they were out of stock in my size. The shoe is marked down, so I think it's being discontinued, so I'm a little bummed, but I'm sure there's another pair of brightly colored sneakers out there for me...sigh.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Seventeen Again
Prior to the half-marathon last October, I knew I wanted to take some time to explore different interests I had. I knew I wanted to utilize my gym membership more and try out more of the classes they offer, especially since I knew I would be interested in running outside in the cold. Right around then, we started to plan for our wedding...and naturally, this became a factor in my working out and a reason to be motivated. It hasn't taken over in an overwhelming or unhealthy way - I haven't done anything atypical over the past few months, but just like any big event or upcoming vacation, it's definitely stirs things up a bit. I'm not sure whether I put it on myself or it's placed on by society, but there's this talk about going nuts to look your best on your wedding day. Of course I want to look great - who doesn't? - but it has to be a balance. I feel like the wedding pressure hasn't changed my routine or schedule...it's changed my guilt factor when I stray from the plan.
Watching one of my new favorite shows, Biggest Loser, the amazing kid contestants who are on this season talked about and signed a "Body Treaty Pact." I was interested in it and looked it up. I almost had to laugh - it was written by Seventeen magazine - but as I read through it, I realized that 10, and even 20, 30, 40, years later, we're not too far from where we were as self-conscious teenagers. I enjoy running and working out, because of the way it helps me to look, of course, but also for the way it makes me feel. If I feel like I need to skip a workout to take time to do something else for myself or to spend time with people I care about, that's okay. One of the points of the pact says, "Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slice of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight." It's true. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently, so maybe I just need to know myself. We just have to know ourselves.
My relationship with running and working out has evolved tremendously over the past few years and it will continue to, and for that, I'm thankful. The purpose of it in my life is to help me be the best me I can be. Of course that involves my health, but it's not just physical. It goes far beyond that. Naturally, our upcoming wedding will have an impact on my workouts, just as it has on every aspect of my life, but that's just it. I don't want to miss out on these incredibly exciting months feeling restricted or guilty about being a person and sometimes missing a workout because I'm busy...or I just don't feel like it. These months and this wedding are about love, but in order for someone to love you so completely, you must love yourself.
Watching one of my new favorite shows, Biggest Loser, the amazing kid contestants who are on this season talked about and signed a "Body Treaty Pact." I was interested in it and looked it up. I almost had to laugh - it was written by Seventeen magazine - but as I read through it, I realized that 10, and even 20, 30, 40, years later, we're not too far from where we were as self-conscious teenagers. I enjoy running and working out, because of the way it helps me to look, of course, but also for the way it makes me feel. If I feel like I need to skip a workout to take time to do something else for myself or to spend time with people I care about, that's okay. One of the points of the pact says, "Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slice of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight." It's true. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently, so maybe I just need to know myself. We just have to know ourselves.
My relationship with running and working out has evolved tremendously over the past few years and it will continue to, and for that, I'm thankful. The purpose of it in my life is to help me be the best me I can be. Of course that involves my health, but it's not just physical. It goes far beyond that. Naturally, our upcoming wedding will have an impact on my workouts, just as it has on every aspect of my life, but that's just it. I don't want to miss out on these incredibly exciting months feeling restricted or guilty about being a person and sometimes missing a workout because I'm busy...or I just don't feel like it. These months and this wedding are about love, but in order for someone to love you so completely, you must love yourself.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Snow Day
Like a little kid, the prospect of a snow day left me antsy and restless last night. I woke up around 2AM and couldn't fall back to sleep. When I received the phone call at 5:30AM telling me that school was cancelled, I was again left tossing and turning. I finally accepted defeat and moved to the living room. We have a big window in our main room and I love just sitting looking outside on a snowy morning, when it's still dark and everything is quiet and still. When it started to get lighter outside and the sounds of plows and cars sloshing grew louder, I already missed that early morning calm.
It's been an emotional few weeks as I watch the Hope Express team prepare for their 135-mile journey, beginning next Thursday night. For the past two years, I have been right in the mix, spending these last days trying to keep my excitement from making me crazy. I'm thrilled to have a friend from college on the team this year and it has been helpful for me to have someone that I can vicariously experience the event through. Part of my decision to not try to run this year was so others could have that chance, so the HE family could continue to grow, and its message and purpose could reach even more people. Thinking about all that she will experience helps me to handle the fact that I will be missing out on a magical 24 hours.
This week, I've thought a lot about the past two years' runs. There are many things - a certain song, rereading through mail from my family and friends, photos, recap emails from other runners - that bring me right back to those moments. I am not sure if there are many other memories I have that can so clearly draw upon. These aren't just stills in my mind; the memories are accompanied with genuine, raw emotion. Feelings I feel all over again.
Yesterday afternoon, I thought about how in one week, the team would be arriving in Hershey, hanging out on the 7th floor, counting down the minutes until the first runner takes off. As I lay awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, I thought again about how in a week from that very moment, as the rest of our worlds slept, the team would be making its way to Penn State. The calmness that I love on an early snow day reminds me of the legs I ran in the middle of the night when no one else was around. It's rare to feel like you have the whole world to yourself. How many people can say they've had that moment?
I haven't been running much lately and that's okay. I've been exploring other interests and enjoying the fact that I have nothing I need to train for. I do miss that reason to run in the winter though. Most normal people don't seek out opportunities to run in the snow or in these bitter temperatures, but when I had it, I loved it. When I see those crazies nowadays, I am obviously judge them quickly...and then remember that I've been there. I too once unexpectedly fell in love with these things - an excuse to be outside when most people are struggling to peal themselves out from under the covers - and I eagerly await the chance to do it all again. For this amazing reason. For the kids :O).
It's been an emotional few weeks as I watch the Hope Express team prepare for their 135-mile journey, beginning next Thursday night. For the past two years, I have been right in the mix, spending these last days trying to keep my excitement from making me crazy. I'm thrilled to have a friend from college on the team this year and it has been helpful for me to have someone that I can vicariously experience the event through. Part of my decision to not try to run this year was so others could have that chance, so the HE family could continue to grow, and its message and purpose could reach even more people. Thinking about all that she will experience helps me to handle the fact that I will be missing out on a magical 24 hours.
This week, I've thought a lot about the past two years' runs. There are many things - a certain song, rereading through mail from my family and friends, photos, recap emails from other runners - that bring me right back to those moments. I am not sure if there are many other memories I have that can so clearly draw upon. These aren't just stills in my mind; the memories are accompanied with genuine, raw emotion. Feelings I feel all over again.
Yesterday afternoon, I thought about how in one week, the team would be arriving in Hershey, hanging out on the 7th floor, counting down the minutes until the first runner takes off. As I lay awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, I thought again about how in a week from that very moment, as the rest of our worlds slept, the team would be making its way to Penn State. The calmness that I love on an early snow day reminds me of the legs I ran in the middle of the night when no one else was around. It's rare to feel like you have the whole world to yourself. How many people can say they've had that moment?
I haven't been running much lately and that's okay. I've been exploring other interests and enjoying the fact that I have nothing I need to train for. I do miss that reason to run in the winter though. Most normal people don't seek out opportunities to run in the snow or in these bitter temperatures, but when I had it, I loved it. When I see those crazies nowadays, I am obviously judge them quickly...and then remember that I've been there. I too once unexpectedly fell in love with these things - an excuse to be outside when most people are struggling to peal themselves out from under the covers - and I eagerly await the chance to do it all again. For this amazing reason. For the kids :O).
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| Training for Hope Express 2011 in Philadelphia |
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