The Honeymooners

View of beach

While visiting Vis, one of the Dalmatian islands, we decided to check out a more remote beach on the island. At most, there were a dozen people there, and we ended up sitting next to two families from the States. After they randomly offered for us to use their snorkel gear (which we did- it was awesome!), I mentioned that we were on our belated honeymoon. One of the woman said, "When my husband and I were on our honeymoon, we decided it wasn't over until we said it's over. That was 29 years ago. We're still on our honeymoon." When we ran into her with her husband later that night, he shared it yet again. Hearing their advice for a second time, I realized this was clearly something they had lived by for the past 29 years. Regardless of where they are - the incredible Dalmatian islands or the kitchen of your own house - they are still on their honeymoon. 

Even after more than two weeks of a time out from the "real world," flying over the Atlantic Ocean now, I can't help but be a little bummed that our trip is coming to a close. Anticipating this moment, I've thought a lot about that couple on the beach and their advice. Sure, we will return home this weekend and while I won't even go back to work immediately, there will be chores to do, bills to pay, inevitable must-do's. I can't stop that from happening, but that wasn't that point of the motto of this couple. Yes, there are daily obligations we must attend to that sometimes cloud the vision of the bigger picture, but there are also things, and more importantly, people, who make our lives what they are.

I've spent a lot of time considering this motto, or really, attitude, over the past week, and naturally connected it to running. Lately, I've run pretty routine runs and have built them into these larger-than-necessary things. Because I want to stick to my training plan and hit certain targets, I have been trying to balance being away with my desire to stay on track to train for the half. I can't always change the facts of these runs and how they turn out, and I don't even need to really, because I can control how I approach them, and choose what set of glasses I view them through. The same run means two different things depending on how I view it. 

Celebrating our first anniversary!

Similar to the word vacation, the word honeymoon carries a certain connotation. Reflecting on it this past week, I realize that so much of it is mental. I know it's easier for me to brush aside the little things when I'm away, but why? Why can't this be an attitude I at least strive to maintain regardless of where I am? 

As the couple on the beach suggested, we don't need to pack away our honeymoon mentality when we return home. My hope is that as Ryan and I unpack our suitcases, we will forgo the routine of putting away the metaphorical (sun)glasses with which we have viewed the past 2+ weeks, and really, this first year of marriage. If honeymoons are mental, then we can, and I hope we will, continue this trip throughout our entire marriage, and rival this couple for the world's longest honeymoon. 

Written last month, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean

Bump in the Training Road

We interrupt reflections of world traveling to bring you a hard dose of reality. (Cue the breaking news sound byte)

While away, I wrote a few posts that I'm in the process of finalizing, but honestly, they're fluffy in relation to my current training, which makes sense. I ran while I was away, but it was a bit fluffy, and that's completely fine. I wanted to run while I was away, but I didn't want it to in any way impede my trip. So the posts I'm working on are meaningful to me and true to my experiences, but in terms of running, it would be dishonest of me to skip over today's run. I honestly just need to process it.

I had a long run of 7 miles planned for this morning, and I did it. I can't feel worse about a run than I would feel if I hadn't run at all, but it's not easy. This has happened before- I've struggled through a long run, just to go on and have a super successful long run the next week. I know it's not necessarily indicative of how the next 6 weeks are going to go, unless I let it be. I do think it is important for me to reflect nevertheless, as I don't want to continue to feel this way, both physically and mentally.

When I trained for my first half, I was super disciplined, finding what worked for me and sticking to it. Since then, I've found myself rediscovering things I already know and that were once routine for me, and that's okay. I need to continue to view this as a process, a journey, because when I look at it like that, today is a piece of the puzzle. It's hard to differentiate between what really impacts my performance, and what is just a head game, what is just me psyching myself out. 

A friend recently made me think about the differences between reasons and excuses. Today's run is behind me and I have no one but myself to "answer" to, so there are no excuses to be made. Instead,  I seek to identify reasons that may have caused today be challenging, so I can adjust accordingly for upcoming long runs. Here are my take aways:

-Choose flat over variety. I like weaving my way through town and mixing up my routes, but I need to forgo creative runs and minimize any additional challenges when mapping out longer runs. I don't usually blanket avoid hills/route challenges, and I won't, but I need to create long runs that are as gentle as possible. The course in September is flat and if my goal is to hit a mileage marker on my long runs, that needs to be my top priority.

-Cross train. This is something I was planning to start sprinkling in this weekend anyway, but I'm reminded that it's a super important part of my plan. Runs need to be my top priority, but some other form of working out needs to be up there too. I want to protect my long runs, in that I never want to go into them sore for a day of cross training, but doing so between shorter runs will definitely do me some good. It's a good reminder that I can, and should, push beyond what is comfortable and easy. 

-Revamp the play list. I typically create and wear out the same playlist, so I've become a huge fan of Songza as a way to mix it up. I think for shorter runs, it works, but for longer runs, I need songs that I know will energize me. My music could definitely use a makeover, but I like knowing what's coming, knowing that every song will push me.

Managing it All

Each year when August rolls around and school returns, I feel like I'm relearning how to manage, with easy, all the moving pieces of life - how to juggle hours worth of lesson planning without feeling I've lost my whole weekend, how to allow for mid-week mental breaks, how to stay in better contact with loved ones far away, and literally how to find time to just get it all done. I'm so fortunate to have friends who know me so well, but when I was telling a friend the other day about this desire to better balance my professional and personal lives, she responded with something to the effect of, "You're always working on this." And she's completely right. I certainly am inching closer to developing more solid habits that help me to find the balance, but I have a sneaking suspicion that just when I think I've got it all together, new things will magically appear to fill my time. Of course, I want to get better about managing it all, but I don't think I'll ever get to that much-desired state of having endless free time that I so deeply think I desire. I don't think it's about getting it all done to free up time, but rather, about carving out time that's set aside for myself - my me time. There will always be more to do, but if I don't take the time to occasionally put myself first, who will?

Of course, that's where running comes in. In the race to do it all at work over this first months back, I had definitely been in a running lull and that's okay. But as I start to get back into a routine, I notice what I was missing. Time for myself doesn't usually just appear in front of me, carved out and ready to go. Just as I continue to practice on the balance beam of life, I continue to see the place running has in that act. It's not everyone's thing (I guess they call these things "hobbies"), but after nearly four years (!), I have come to recognize that's it mine. 

Today I saw this quote - "It is an ironic habit of human beings to run fast when we have lost our way" (Rollo May) - and I laughed. I love that, because it's so honest and true. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or inadequate at work, my gut reaction is to pour my time in to make everything better really quickly, but there comes a point when you need to take a step back and find your way. 

So despite all the reasons I could find to avoid running at this moment, I'm embracing i. With open arms, as my reset, my (cold) deep  breath, and my scheduled me time.

10k Update

Over the past few weeks, I've been training for my first 10k race. I think this distance is exactly what I needed and I'm actually really excited for the run in April. I wanted something that was going to get me back into running without feeling pressure to cut out the other things I've enjoyed adding in, like Body Core at the gym and yoga. Knowing the 10k is coming up has been motivating and I'm really looking forward to running a race again, without the (self-imposed) pressure that comes with a half. 

That being said, it's still hard to ALWAYS be in the mood or mental place to run. Last Monday, it was rainy all day, but literally as I pulled back in Ann Arbor after work, the skies cleared and it was beautiful. I ended up running nearly a mile more than I set out to, which is not something I ever really do. I was so thankful for the sun, because I know what a difference the weather makes...especially when the rain wasn't as kind to me today. I wanted to stay inside and enjoy some extra free time at home, but when it came down to it, I knew I would regret skipping. As soon as I got home, I got dressed, threw on a hat (which I never wear, so what a good excuse to use it!), and headed out. The temperature was just above freezing, so the spitting rain was definitely cold at first, but once I got going, it felt great....as it always does!

So overall, training has been great, or, more importantly, exactly what I wanted it to be. I was excited to reward myself with a new pair of sneakers - the Brooks I currently have and love - but when I went to buy them last night, I realized they were out of stock in my size. The shoe is marked down, so I think it's being discontinued, so I'm a little bummed, but I'm sure there's another pair of brightly colored sneakers out there for me...sigh. 

Detroit Recap

It has been way too long since I last wrote and even longer since the Detroit Half. Not too good considering I still want to write a recap for that event. It's hard to just think about that and not everything else that has happened in the past month since I last posted, but maybe that will be motivation for me to be more present. So let's rewind five six weeks...

Ryan and I stayed downtown the night before the half, which was a great choice. In the morning, we just had to walk a few blocks to meet some friends, and then just another block to get into our corral. It made it much less stressful than I imagine it would have been had we driven in from Ann Arbor, had to find parking, etc. Nevertheless, my nerves were still out of control. It was frustrating and unsettling, especially since they blew a horn every time another wave crossed the starting line. It made my stomach jump!

It was still dark when we finally started, just about 20 minutes after 7AM. Once the sun started to rise, I started to feel a little lighter and more at ease, and I hoped the fact that I had to pee was just nerves and would go away (it wasn't and it didn't - ugh!). We saw Colleen just before we started up the ramp to cross the Ambassador Bridge into Canada, which was awesome - I greatly appreciated her coming out. It was a huge help.  Crossing the bridge was beautiful. It was PERFECT timing, as the sun was just started to come up over Windsor.  There were a ton of people out in Canada and we ran right along the water, with an awesome view of Detroit. Honestly, the weather could not have been more perfect! 

I tried to hold off, but I just couldn't, and when I saw what I thought would be a short line at the portapotties just before Mile 5, I decided to stop (which is only worth noting because it's never happened to me before). It was frustrating and hard, because Ryan and I were running together and we had wanted to run at least half of the race together, so he had to stop and wait for me.

The whole course was really cool. We ran through the (HOT!) tunnel back to the US and looped through some neat neighborhoods with lots of people out cheering. 

Ryan and I split up at Mile 10, which was bittersweet. I wanted him to go on and push himself, but I was oddly emotional. I spend so much time and effort encouraging those around me to simply try and to focus on the journey - it's not about where you end up, but about where you started, and then ended up. Nevertheless, I couldn't take my own advice. Knowing I was going to come in over all other halfs I'd done, I was frustrated and upset. Instead of celebrating that I was running another half-marathon and enjoying the accomplishment, I found myself fighting back tears.

When my always-supportive friends and family called and texted to ask about the race, it was hard to hide my feelings. It wasn't until later that night that I realized how much I was letting 2 miles of feelings overshadow the ENTIRE day, race, and training. Instead of acknowledging and accepting the facts (I did the best I could with training; I was aware of the fact that the lack of cross-training put me at a disadvantage; my knees had been bothering me on every long training run I had done leading up to the half), I was allowing myself to ignore the big picture - I had run a half-marathon...and I had done it with my best friend, a first for us. 

More than any other race I've run, this one certainly proved to me the most emotional. For whatever reason, it challenged me in a new way and with some distance now, I can say for sure that this too serves a purpose. Things aren't always what we want them to be, and that's okay, but even with the best support systems in the world, if we don't believe in ourselves, we won't get very far. 

Lansing Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the Lansing Half, and while I have been mildly dreading it due to my recent lack of motivation, I feel like I am finally in the right mindset and as ready as I'm going to be! The weather should be perfect - low 40's and sunny - and although I know nearly nothing about the course, I do know it will be relatively flat - score! If nothing else, the medal looks awesome.

Ryan's parents are in for the weekend, as his dad will be running the full in Lansing tomorrow, and my parents have sent their love and support via delicious fruit basket - THANKS J&D! xo

Interviewing

I have a new job!

....a new job that I had to interview 3 times (re: about 4 hours) to get. Interviews are incredibly stressful, and as I drove to the second one, where I had to teach a small group reading lesson, I thought a lot about how being adequately prepared and feeling confident can naturally help you to talk yourself off of the metaphorical cliff you find yourself on just before kick-off (you know the one I'm talking about...where you think, "I could run out of this office and they'll never even know I showed up for this thing"). As nerve wrecking as actually teaching in my interview was, I couldn't help but remind myself repeatedly that that's exactly what I knew how to do and that I enjoyed doing. I have spent nearly four years working with kids in an academic setting, and I went to graduate school to learn more about being an effective educator. The more I thought about these things, the more prepared I felt to do my best - which is all you can do. I reminded myself over and over again that as long as I did that, I would feel good about the process, and I did. If for some reason it didn't work out, it wouldn't be because I did something wrong, but because I just didn't have what they were looking for. I just wanted to make sure I was showing off the best me that I could.

Of course, as always, I quickly began to think about how this related to running. The Lansing Half is just a few weeks away, and thinking about it has definitely planted butterflies into my stomach. Thinking practically about interviews reminded me that running a race isn't just about the morning of race day, of course. The race is the interview, the place where you show off all you've learned and where you can display your hard work. You need to put the time and effort in beforehand to get there though....and if nothing else, it's important to remember that the best is YOUR best. It might mean not setting a PR...and I need to remember that that's okay. All I can, or should, want is to know I gave my best that day.

Hope Express 2012 - Mail Call/Leg 2

After enjoying a nice chocolate milk, I had from midnight to about 6am before I had to even think about running again. In this time, I stretched and roll out my muscles, and while I wanted to try to sneak in a few minutes of sleep, there was a part of me that just didn't want to miss anything (and I just couldn't fall asleep!). The weather got crummy after my leg, with an intense fog in which we could barely see just in front of the RV. We drove our first mountains, which is always tricky...you feel for the runner who is about to climb said mountain on foot. This would be the time when having telepathic powers would be most useful to me, to tell my teammates how awesome they were and how much I knew they could do it. Lauren killed her first mountain and then Mark destroyed his. I have no words for the respect I have for these two as runners and, more importantly, as people. They have so much heart - it's amazing.

At around 6am, our amazing moralers brought us over an enormous mailbox containing all of our mail! It was perfect timing, as I knew I had

my hardest run coming up. I laughed and cried my way through several packages and dozens of letters. I cannot even begin to say how grateful I felt for all of the love and support, all of the encouraging words and messages of love. Many cards and letters reminded me why I was

running and talked about the kids who fight every single day and never give up. Others had me laughing so hard I was in tears - funny pictures, goofy cards - and those reminded me to not take myself so seriously....and helped me from completely freaking out before starting that second leg.

I knew going into it that that second leg was going to be my greatest challenge. From what I thought I knew, Bobby was climbing a mountain and I was responsible for getting us over the last mile of it, and then alllll the way down. I know very well how mental running is, so I had prepped myself for this.....relying heavily on the fact that my calculations and assumptions were true. I was VERY focused on getting through one brutal mile....which turned out to be 3+ miles. While it started out as a slow incline, it turned vertical fast. It's hard to describe what went

down in those miles, both in actuality and in my mind, but I'll tell you this - it was the hardest run I have ever and most likely will ever run in my life. The hummer had taken a pit stop to use the bathroom, so a car of AMAZING moralers were trailing me and it honestly brings me to tears just thinking about how much they kept me going, getting out of the car to encourage me on. Having them and Ryan's determined dad, Rege, who popped up continuously throughout the entire journey, helped to keep me from dropping to the pavement. I kept telling myself that the only way I could, and would, be able to enjoy the down would be if I fought my way to the top...and that's life. We get through the tough times and they help us to appreciate the blessings we have (or in my case, a few miles of down hill :O).

When I finally saw the signs warning trucks to slow down and prepare for a decline, I was able to take some deep breaths, dry my eyes, and realize I was actually going to make it the rest of the way. I nearly lost my breath again when U2's "Beautiful Day" came on and I had an incredible view of the world below me. I remember the exact moment during last year's run (running at 2am in the calm of the dark night) when I realized how beyond lucky I was for the chance to run like a crazy person for something I care so much about.

Again, there is so much more I could attempt to say, but I will

share it for my HE teammates in my recap to them. When I finally saw the RV and heard everyone cheering, marking the end of my second leg, I lost it again and broke down. A few hours later, I told Ryan about a Henry Ford quote that was hanging up in the RV and he shared this one with me - "Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right." Can I get an AMEN!?

Love ya Lizzie

"How does that go? ... All I really need to know I learned by running a marathon! I learned long term goal planning, time management and what is meant by delayed gratification. I learned about my body, how to eat healthy and get enough rest. I learned anger management (in the late miles), how to deal with success and how to deal with failure. I learned who I was and who I could be. Yes, somewhat cliché, but running a marathon will change your life forever, I suggest you move it up on the bucket list if you haven't already." - Randy Step, from Ann Arbor's Running Store, Running Fit

I am far from interested in running a full marathon, but still. When I received this in my inbox this morning, it really stayed with me. I had a mini-epiphany while talking to Amy tonight. As excited as I am for Hope Express (IN A WEEK!!!), I have definitely had a badddd case of nerves this week. As we were talking, I realized why: When I started running, I loved that it was all about me (!). It wasn't about anyone else's expectations or judgements of me. None of that has mattered or has even been relevant. All my successes are in comparison to where I was and where I've gone. All my struggles has been practice with dealing with letting myself down and realizing that we learn and move on. Everything has felt like an accomplishment when I think about this whole journey, about where I was running/mentally when I started and the impact it's had on my life. With running, it's all relevant to me. With Hope Express, I have the incredible honor of being part of a team of amazing runners, and, even better, amazing people...and that's scary. Without realizing it, I've felt pressure to be better than I am (or better than I think I am..or better than anything anyone can ever be...as in if I ran a marathon a day, I'd still question if it were enough). Instead of feeling like I might let myself down, I know I have a team of 7 other people (+ the whole HE family, my entire support system, the families at HMC fighting day in and day out) counting on me. It feels like it's a lot of pressure...but then again, it's a hell of a lot of hearts behind me.

In a conversation about Tina Fey's amazing Bossy Pants last night, we got to talked about the fact that despite all of her fame, success, and incredible sense of humor, Fey still rips on herself throughout the whole book. We talked about how it might just be her shtick (since that's how Liz is...and in my mind/real life, they are the same person), but we still wondered if she believed that. Despite ALL she has done and accomplished, all the lives she has impacted and all the laughs she's imparted, sometimes it's natural to question yourself. I'm watching 30 Rock right now and as we speak, mid-blog, as though it was fate, Liz just said, "I AM an inspiration!"

As if I needed another reason to love you LL...I mean TF...

Hill Training

On Friday, I ran through campus on part of a longer run. I haven't had the chance to do this during "school" hours since we first moved here, back in August. It was almost funny how different what I saw now compared with what campus looked like back in September. The time between the beginning of the school year and the start of second semester gave way to a lot more groups/couples walking together, people meeting up, and laughing. Granted the day I'm recalling was grey and rainy...but that's not the point. Just a few months ago, people seemed more to themselves, quieter, and new. It was the start of the year, and people didn't have groups of friends like they do after months of college. It made me think about how important it is to be patient, because sometimes you just need time to see a difference, to see the change.

As part of one of my month goals, I set out today to do some intense hill training. I ran in the Arboretum, which homes a hill that has haunted me for months. I've let it get to me, and with good reason. Back in August when I first explored the Arb, runs up said hill left me breathless and defeated. Today, however, I was so ecstatic with the run, with my ability to not overthink it. I ran the hill twice, and I couldn't help but think about how, just like the froshies all over campus, time had been good to me as well. There are days when my run goes well and days when I struggle - just like in life. We can't always see the progress we're making, but today was a good reminder that it's important to be patient and keep at it!

highs and lows

"If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough." - Gretchen Rubin (author of my guide to living)

I had a troublesome run last week and realized afterwards that it was hard to assess how the run actually went when I subtracted my attitude/personal feelings from the picture. No surprises here. When I told a friend about the run, I realized that while I struggled through parts of it, I accomplished what I set out to do and completed the run. Later in the week, I came across the above quote and it really stood out to me. When I decided to start running, I didn't do it because it was easy. I did it, because it was something new and challenging for me, and I knew it would teach me a lot about patience, hard work, and growth. The same way I celebrate my successes, I need to remember the purpose of these more challenging runs as well. Aside from making me just about cry, they should be reminders to me of the overall journey. They're just as crucial as the successful runs.

All that being said, the runs that followed later in the week were all really awesome. I had the lucky fortunate of visiting and touring the Beaumont Children's Hospital, a hospital about 45 minutes from Ann Arbor, that is a Children's Miracle Network facility. The hospital was wonderful, so kid-friendly and attentive to all of the needs of children, not just medically. I thought about the money THON/Hope Express raises for the 7th floor of Hershey Medical Center and the support the Four Diamonds Fund provides for these families during their fight against cancer. I am so blessed in my life, and I don't take that for granted. It's so important to help others who are dealt unlucky hands in life, to lessen their burdens and bring hope and love into their lives. Seeing the Children's Hospital here, seeing what supports are in place for these families made me feel so good and so lucky to be involved with supporting the children being treated at Hershey and their families. You too can help - donate now!

On that note, I'm super excited, because the team of runners that will travel from the 7th floor at Hershey Medical to Penn State/THON will be picked THIS WEEK!! Lots of emotions, excitement and crossed fingers, but regardless of what happens, I'm thrilled to be part of something I care so much about. Stay tuned!

love letter to DC

Dear Bo Obama,

While I'm disappointed that I didn't see you this weekend at the half-marathon, I wanted to take a moment to write you a note. I would've thought a lover of running would have been out there on the sidelines barking us on, but that's another issue...

Before I get to the meat and beans of how MY run went, I wanted to tell you how utterly glad I was to run my second half-marathon in DC! It happened by "accident," in that I didn't intentionally set out to run DC specifically, but I'm so glad it happened. The course itself was fun (and I feel fair saying that because it was still a challenge for me....many little slopes up, which is not typically my scene), and the perfect weather/sunshine didn't hurt! But what perhaps made it so enjoyable for me was all the love and support from the sidelines! There were a bunch of crowded cheering sections that had me laughing, dancing, and smiling a tonnn! Fun signs included: Chuck Norris never ran a marathon/Naked cheerleaders one mile ahead! HOW FUNNY! There were two sections when we ran through Howard University that were just going nuts and perhaps, for me, the love from the city was summed up when I saw what I'm pretty sure were workers from Safeway standing outside literally just handing out full bottles of water from the store...like they saw all these people running by and thought, "They need and deserve water! Let's just literally give them water!!" I was just so happy and impressed and glad to be a part of such a well-received group of runners!

Some mid-run shots!

Now Bo, although you weren't there to show your love and support, I know you care...so let me quickly tell you how it went. My ankle had been really bothering me for about two weeks. It was fine when I ran last weekend, but I felt it constantly when I walked and being on my feet all day at work didn't help. Also, to lay it completely out there: I was completely freaked out. Running a half-marathon will always be a huge task for me, and I certainly didn't attack this one like my first. Instead of focusing on what I HAD been doing over the past few months, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I hadn't been doing. Well, once the race started, I blocked all those thoughts out and just ran! The entire race went well and I managed to hop right over that mile 10/11 wall I was terrified of. I kept a good pace the whole time and when those hi...I mean, slopes appeared before me, I imagined AJG behind me cheering me on (my mental images got a little more creative than that, and may have included Kevin Little AND Kevin Bacon on a motorcycle...with bagpipes) and kept me LAUGHING!), a shout out to a MISERABLE run last June! For that, I'm forever thankful! I was SO ELATED to finish in 2 hours, 6 minutes - 6 minutes faster than my time in September!! wow! I actually, literally wanted to cry the moment I crossed the finish line, but I was breathing hard and thought that, along with crying, would escalate things quickly...and I didn't want the people around me to think I was having a panic attack, rather than just being really, really happy!!

As always, I never would've been able to have such a great day without all the love and support of those around me, both here in DC and from afar. All the texts and facebook posts warmed my heart and if nothing else, pressured me into doing my best! It was SO wonderful to be with Dave before the race, so I didn't psych myself completely out (he, by the way, did completely awesome on his FIRST half-marathon and raised a ton of money for LLS!). Beckerman, Terri, and my ever supportive boyfriend, Ryan, the love of my life who is always rooting me on - thank you all for being along the course, for fighting the cold and the blocked roads and supporting me all along the course :O)!

So Bo, I thank you and your city for a great run, for an awesome time, and for an overall plain 'ol fabulous weekend! Write back soon and stay out of the trash can.

With Love,

Darian

Waiting with Dave for the race to begin!

Action shot...!

I made it!

round two!

So I have not been good about posting at all...but what's fitting about that fact is that it kind of matches my level of training for the half-marathon I will be running next week in DC. Since Hope Express, I feel like I've been out of sync with my running, kind of in need of a break. Weekends have been super busy, especially with having a graduate class Saturday AM already, so fitting in those long runs have been....hard, if at all. Ekkkkk!

I received the details of the race and it was a WIDE mix of emotions, including "I want to vomit" and "oh yeah! this is exciting!" I think once I get this weekend's run in I'll be able to just take it as it comes/is, instead of worrying that I will flattened like a pancake when those around me run OVER me as I lay down for a mid-run break/rest/general nap.

big picture

"Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to push beyond where we thought we could go. It helps us to find out what we are made of."

-PattiSue Plumer

When I decided run a half-marathon, back in April, a large factor in my decision was the need to prove to myself I could have a goal and work hard, over an extended period of time, to reach it. Aside from this being something I have wanted to do for a while, it was a lot about the "chase," about trying my persistence.

Today was my LAST LONG RUN before race day! I ran ten miles - TWO DIGITS?! - and wow! I have thought about race day so much, but the idea of actually running that much...I can't believe I did it? It doesn't even make sense?! About two miles before the end, I was thinking about what finishing the half-marathon in two weeks will feel like. I have imagined this moment before, but never in such a realistic way...in that it could really happen? And I have no idea where it came from, but mid-run, I actually got a little chocked up! People who know me know I am very in touch with my emotions (let's not get crazy and call me EMOTIONAL or anything), so this isn't totally out of character for me...but I was surprised with what a strong reaction I had at the thought of being so far from where I started. Especially with the start of school inching closer and closer, I can't help but use this as a reminder of what's possible, and how badly we short ourselves when we don't keep our head up, skip ahead to a song that makes us push on, and just imagine the reality of crossing the finish line.

wow

(this post was written on thursday, but needed to be finished...and finally, it has been!).

It's hard to believe it, but when I woke up this morning, I was still at camp. I already feel too far and distant from my amazing week at The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp. I have more or less wanted to volunteer there since my freshman year of college - that's FIVE years. It's really hard to put the entire week into words, especially since so much of my experience hit me on such a personal and emotional level. It was just amazing!

I spent the week with nine 7/8 year old girls. Their conditions included cancer, sickle cell, and HIV. The way these girls laughed and goofed off and just carried on was so....normal. Especially at camp, I would imagine, they were able to do just that. The medical support at the camp is INCREDIBLE. Rather than having their conditions hold them back and prevent them from doing things, it's just a small part of their day at camp.

My thoughts right now are all over the place, so I know this post is doing little justice, but I wanted to share a quick story...

O, we'll call her, was recently diagnosed with diabetes and has been slowly learning to manage her condition. Before each meal, O would go to the infirmary to check her sugars, and in the morning, she would receive insulin shots. In the middle of the session, I was with O on her morning visit when Beth, the nurse working with O, asked her if she had ever thought about learning to prick her finger herself. O, who is 8, said she thought maybe when she was 10 she could learn it. I found out the next morning for another counselor who saw it (because she's that modest!) that she pricked herself....THAT NIGHT! Something she thought she couldn't do at all was possible. It might not seem that big, but for some reason, it really hit me as a "this is IT" moment. Things just seem possible at camp (you know..like cutting down a Christmas tree, obviously a first for me in general!, in July?), because somehow, they are.

On a quick note, running is going pretty well! I went out for my long run this morning, but cut it short because of the rain. I really tried....but it was ridiculous. I drove to the start of Forbidden Drive, and my plan was to run home and get my car later, but I was soaking wet and my freaking headphone (just one) wouldn't stay in my ear. It was uncomfortable and actually more frustrating than it should have been. I decided after 3 miles to turn around, not baring the thought of struggling in an unnecessary way for 6 more miles....it stopped raining, but I knew the last 1.5 miles would be completely uncovered and would therefore be even worse (although I'm not sure what worse would have even felt/looked like). I probably should've thrown an extra 1.5 out/back in once the rain slowed down on my way back, but mental is mental. Adding additional miles didn't seem plausible at the time. Pro? I still ran 6 miles!

MANY steps in the right direction!

This morning's run was EIGHT miles, and, the more important fact, is that I RAN IT! More than was made obvious in my recent posts, these past few weeks have been the lowest point of my training. As I admitted, I think much of it has been mental, but not being able to hack it on "easy" runs can certain take its toll on you. I was counting on today to make me feel GOOD..and it did! It's the first time in a while that I have really felt like I can do this!

Because of the ridiculous heat, I went super early to try to minimize exterior factors messing this up for me. I had my new hand-held water bottle (which considering it was the first time I used it, didn't bother me too much until the end) and an arm band for my ipod (thanks LB!), as well as a new-and-improved running mix of all the songs I have that I would run to....I was starting to feel like I was on the show NEXT with all the clicking past songs I was doing. It was getting out of control, so the make-over definitely helped!

Drum roll pleaseeee.....I have now officially run the entire half-marathon course!

Last week I "ran" the loop in Center City, starting and ending at Love Park (more like cried while quickly moving my legs...it was bad. My apologies to Ryan for having to be seen with me, and to the innocent bystanders who witnessed what went down) . Today's run was from just past Boathouse Row, down Kelly Drive, back MLK, looped in front of the Art Museum, and back to the start of Boathouse Row.

Wayyyy back when, I ran the connection between those two runs. Wow! That easy, huh?

Roller Coaster!

Oh it's been a while! Here's what's been going on:

My last run before I left for Vegas was rough. Looking back on it, I think it was really mental, but I struggled to do things I've done many times before...and usually with relative ease. As I'm running, I'm thinking about that fact though and obviously that doesn't help, so I gave myself (with the help of one of my many mentors :O)) a good pep talk to set myself straight. Sure, I may not have been able to run the distance I set out to that day, but what about all the things I CAN do now? I never thought I'd get into a routine, that I'd wake up early to run, that I'd run more than a 5k, that I'd realistically be approaching a half-marathon. I need to be thinking this way, or I won't reach my goal. I also decided to start a collection of things to motivate me, so I can keep those things in my mind when I'm running, especially pictures/notes/memories from my time AT camp! I am thrilled to be running for the Hole in the Wall camps, but because of the nature of their program, I am training alone. When I committed to this, my greatest concern was if I'd be able to stick to my training schedule without having a group I was constantly and consistently running with. Now, my struggle is with the fact that my goals are BIG, sometimes bigger than I think I can handle...and sometimes, bigger than I can handle. I need to be able to remember, at all times, WHY I wanted to do this, and why this is so important. My struggles are nothing compared to the hardships of the children who attend the Hole in the Wall camps. Camp gives them a chance to focus on being a carefree child, but they don't have the choice to just give up.....which means neither do I.

I did run one time while I was out in Vegas, which I'm going to consider a small victory. I would have liked to run 2x, but it was a... challenge. I got home late last night, and will probably try to go for a short run tonight, just to get myself going. Starting tomorrow though, it's time to get cracking. I have a tentative schedule I feel comfortable with, building up to 11 miles, which was my original goal, but I'm not naive enough to think that planning is enough. I think I also want to write more about it, so I can be sure I am celebrating my successes more than I am dwelling over my hard days and tough runs.

In going with my "pep up collection," I received THIS in the mail a few days before I went away, which is AWESOME!!!!!

Cross Training

Today, after months of separation, the gym and I were reunited. I decided to take attend a class in honor of the big occasion, Total Body Workout, to begin weaving some cross training into my routine. Wikipedia defines cross training as "training in different ways to improve overall performance." Perhaps more than anything else, this class worked my mental stamina realllll hard. Here are some mental notes from the experience:

• I rarely do any type of weight training using my upper body. Obviously, continuing to not do this type of activity will allow it to continue to be very difficult. Nevertheless, almost the entire class (in MY opinion) focused on the upper body. I actually can't effectively do a "real" push-up normally....so putting myself in that position for such a long period of time was ROUGH! I was proud that I was able to hack it as much as I did (although it didn't look that way...and I did quite a few sets of eye-rolls at the instructor when he continued to rattle of exercises that required me to put myself in said position).
  
• A very important practice stressed to teachers: MODEL. The instructor was just fine listing the ridiculous arm exercises he expected me to do as he walked around the room...with his arms dangling at his sides. WHAT? Validation for the aforementioned eye rolls, I'd say....
  
• Nevertheless, he did say one big thing that really stuck with me: For one exercise, he asked us to grab our weights, and, being far enough into the workout that I was fading, I took my lighter set (notice I will just use comparative words, not give the specific weight amount...). Almost as if he caught me, he reminded us we can always switch to a lighter set if we need to once we start...and surprisingly enough, I listened to his advice and switched to my heavier weights...and I was able to do the exercise with them!

Learned lesson of the day? A larger % of "it" than I'm usually willing to admit is actually mental. That...and sometimes it's much easier to just push through than to stop and try to start again. Surprisingly enough, I may even attend next week!

Investing in the Staples Red Button

....so I have no choice but to think everything about this is easy. I got back from a wedding in Altoona this morning (so you can already imagine how I was feeling...) and did some work around the apartment. I know I can't use this line for forever, but I was proud of myself that I stuck to my plan and went out to run. Other than that, it was hot and hard and my legs were sore from dancing last night! One of the hardest things about this for me may be the up and down: some days I'm going to feel good and it's going to be good, and other days that won't be the case. That all being said, a few people I have talked to have been VERY helpful, giving me advice and suggestions. I'm hoping to come up with a "plan" this week, and begin it the first week in May. For now, I'm just trying to establish a routine for once May comes, I'll be ready to roll (I mean, run!).