In the course of a single year of wedding planning, you are asked how it's going an incredible amount of times. I'm not pointing fingers - my engaged friends will tell you I do the same thing - but I realized quickly how hard it is to give a true answer. Usually, I respond with whatever was happening RIGHT then - a big cross-off on the to-do list or a recent time suck over a very minor detail. But to really summarize how it's ALL going? All of the things you do and feelings you feel and people involved? That's much harder to do.
I went for a run on Wednesday to the park where Ryan and I got engaged and with so much going on this week, I appreciated the time to be by myself and think. One of the last things left to do this week has been writing thank you cards to our parents and the bridal party. I thought about all the times during this past year that I have tried my hardest to express my gratitude for EVERYTHING they have done for me and for us. After a beautiful and thoughtful bridal shower, I choked my way through a short thank you, sent an email and wrote thank you cards. After an incredible weekend away with all my girlfriends in AC, I tried yet again with phone calls and more words. As I began writing this final expression of my appreciation, I just now realizing that it is never going to be enough. I've wanted so badly to be able to truly convey what this year has meant to me. Of course, it's about me and Ryan, but we decided to have the wedding we're having because having our family and friends be a big part of it was so important to us. They have truly made this year, and will make this weekend, what it was for us.
And so when I reflect back on this past year, what stands out are the moments with the people we love so much - getting engaged with our families nearby to celebrate; the excitement and love we received after sending out our bookmarks; knowing that our friends from Michigan are coming all the way out here this; walking into a bridal shower that was a product of SO much time, thoughtfulness, love and effort, with so many amazing women in my life present; doing so again just two months later in AC; being with our families just last night and hearing them laugh together the way that they do together. It feels incredibly great to have it feel exactly how I wanted it to feel going into this weekend. For all of the time we have all put into the details, if I were to summarize this last year, they would have no part in it. I didn't want to become so consumed in details (which is easy to do with this, let me tell you!) that I lost sight of who and what really mattered about this weekend. My summary would be a snapshot of these favorite moments and the feelings that accompanied them.
On Wednesday's run, I thought about the races I've done, and all the support and love I've received along the road to race day. While I know there were days when I got caught up in the details (and have the blog posts to prove it), just as with this year of planning, when I think back to it all now, it's the people and the feelings that stick out most. I never would have run even one half - or any of the runs that prepared me for them - without training runs with countless number of my biggest fans; my parents's encouragement and confidence in me; texts, emails, and calls of encouragement and well wishes; cheerleaders on every course rooting me on and bringing a smile to my face. I tear up just thinking about it....maybe that's what keeps me connected to running. It's a clear reminder to me of how fortunate I am for the support system that I have. I couldn't have done any of those races without it...and I wouldn't have wanted to.
Reflecting on the parallels between running and this last year, I think I've finally realized what I was bound to realize eventually. There will never be a point in time when I feel like I've truly expressed my gratitude for what all of my support systems - my parents and family, my friends, and of course, Ryan - have done for me. I can write as many emails and cards as I want, and choke my way through as many verbal thank you's as I am willing to attempt, but if things keeping going the way they're going, I will inevitably always be left feeling like I got a really good end of the stick. Into our married life (!!!), I know this will continue to be a blessing for us....to have people we can lean on when we need to, and people we can share our lives with.
If the only thing left to do the morning before our wedding is just to feel all the feelings - gratitude, love, appreciation, excitement - then I consider myself pretty lucky....but also a little stuck. I'm not sure this one will ever get crossed off the to-do list.
Congrats Dar!
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