10k Update

Over the past few weeks, I've been training for my first 10k race. I think this distance is exactly what I needed and I'm actually really excited for the run in April. I wanted something that was going to get me back into running without feeling pressure to cut out the other things I've enjoyed adding in, like Body Core at the gym and yoga. Knowing the 10k is coming up has been motivating and I'm really looking forward to running a race again, without the (self-imposed) pressure that comes with a half. 

That being said, it's still hard to ALWAYS be in the mood or mental place to run. Last Monday, it was rainy all day, but literally as I pulled back in Ann Arbor after work, the skies cleared and it was beautiful. I ended up running nearly a mile more than I set out to, which is not something I ever really do. I was so thankful for the sun, because I know what a difference the weather makes...especially when the rain wasn't as kind to me today. I wanted to stay inside and enjoy some extra free time at home, but when it came down to it, I knew I would regret skipping. As soon as I got home, I got dressed, threw on a hat (which I never wear, so what a good excuse to use it!), and headed out. The temperature was just above freezing, so the spitting rain was definitely cold at first, but once I got going, it felt great....as it always does!

So overall, training has been great, or, more importantly, exactly what I wanted it to be. I was excited to reward myself with a new pair of sneakers - the Brooks I currently have and love - but when I went to buy them last night, I realized they were out of stock in my size. The shoe is marked down, so I think it's being discontinued, so I'm a little bummed, but I'm sure there's another pair of brightly colored sneakers out there for me...sigh. 

Seventeen Again

Prior to the half-marathon last October, I knew I wanted to take some time to explore different interests I had. I knew I wanted to utilize my gym membership more and try out more of the classes they offer, especially since I knew I would be interested in running outside in the cold. Right around then, we started to plan for our wedding...and naturally, this became a factor in my working out and a reason to be motivated. It hasn't taken over in an overwhelming or unhealthy way - I haven't done anything atypical over the past few months, but just like any big event or upcoming vacation, it's definitely stirs things up a bit. I'm not sure whether I put it on myself or it's placed on by society, but there's this talk about going nuts to look your best on your wedding day. Of course I want to look great - who doesn't? - but it has to be a balance. I feel like the wedding pressure hasn't changed my routine or schedule...it's changed my guilt factor when I stray from the plan. 

Watching one of my new favorite shows, Biggest Loser, the amazing kid contestants who are on this season talked about and signed a "Body Treaty Pact." I was interested in it and looked it up. I almost had to laugh - it was written by Seventeen magazine - but as I read through it, I realized that 10, and even 20, 30, 40, years later, we're not too far from where we were as self-conscious teenagers. I enjoy running and working out, because of the way it helps me to look, of course, but also for the way it makes me feel. If I feel like I need to skip a workout to take time to do something else for myself or to spend time with people I care about, that's okay.  One of the points of the pact says, "Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slice of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight."   It's true. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently, so maybe I just need to know myself. We just have to know ourselves. 

My relationship with running and working out has evolved tremendously over the past few years and it will continue to, and for that, I'm thankful. The purpose of it in my life is to help me be the best me I can be. Of course that involves my health, but it's not just physical. It goes far beyond that. Naturally, our upcoming wedding will have an impact on my workouts, just as it has on every aspect of my life, but that's just it. I don't want to miss out on these incredibly exciting months feeling restricted or guilty about being a person and sometimes missing a workout because I'm busy...or I just don't feel like it. These months and this wedding are about love, but in order for someone to love you so completely, you must love yourself. 

Snow Day

Like a little kid, the prospect of a snow day left me antsy and restless last night. I woke up around 2AM and couldn't fall back to sleep. When I received the phone call at 5:30AM telling me that school was cancelled, I was again left tossing and turning. I finally accepted defeat and moved to the living room. We have a big window in our main room and I love just sitting looking outside on a snowy morning, when it's still dark and everything is quiet and still. When it started to get lighter outside and the sounds of plows and cars sloshing grew louder, I already missed that early morning calm.

It's been an emotional few weeks as I watch the Hope Express team prepare for their 135-mile journey, beginning next Thursday night. For the past two years, I have been right in the mix, spending these last days trying to keep my excitement from making me crazy. I'm thrilled to have a friend from college on the team this year and it has been helpful for me to have someone that I can vicariously experience the event through. Part of my decision to not try to run this year was so others could have that chance, so the HE family could continue to grow, and its message and purpose could reach even more people. Thinking about all that she will experience helps me to handle the fact that I will be missing out on a magical 24 hours.

This week, I've thought a lot about the past two years' runs. There are many things - a certain song, rereading through mail from my family and friends, photos, recap emails from other runners - that bring me right back to those moments. I am not sure if there are many other memories I have that can so clearly draw upon. These aren't just stills in my mind; the memories are accompanied with genuine, raw emotion. Feelings I feel all over again.

Yesterday afternoon, I thought about how in one week, the team would be arriving in Hershey, hanging out on the 7th floor, counting down the minutes until the first runner takes off.  As I lay awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, I thought again about how in a week from that very moment, as the rest of our worlds slept, the team would be making its way to Penn State. The calmness that I love on an early snow day reminds me of the legs I ran in the middle of the night when no one else was around. It's rare to feel like you have the whole world to yourself. How many people can say they've had that moment? 

I haven't been running much lately and that's okay. I've been exploring other interests and enjoying the fact that I have nothing I need to train for. I do miss that reason to run in the winter though. Most normal people don't seek out opportunities to run in the snow or in these bitter temperatures, but when I had it, I loved it. When I see those crazies nowadays, I am obviously judge them quickly...and then remember that I've been there. I too once unexpectedly fell in love with these things - an excuse to be outside when most people are struggling to peal themselves out from under the covers - and I eagerly await the chance to do it all again. For this amazing reason. For the kids :O).

Training for Hope Express 2011 in Philadelphia

Reflecting on 2012

Before this morning's run, I spent some time reading through all my blog posts from this past year. I would definitely consider myself to be a sentimental person and I appreciate the opportunity to pause from the daily grind and reflect on the blessings and lessons from the past year. Each year, it's always easy to pick out and remember the big events. Several New Year's ago, some friends took turns toasting to a different favorite memory from the year. There were many "oh yeahs!" spoken, as others helped me to recall some of the smaller but still special memories from the year. Rereading through my blog, I was able to do the same.

It's true that the days are long, but the years are short. When I reread blog posts for the beginning of the year, it feels like it was just yesterday. While I've done a good job at weaving my outside-of-running life into my blog, there were still a few big events from the year that were left out - the beautiful weddings of so many close friends, three incredible weeks in New Orleans, the beginning stages of planning a wedding! Having this forum serves many purposes for me - a chance to reflect, to digest, to track, to document. 

I just signed up for an eight-week yoga class, which I'm really excited for. Over the years, I've tested the yoga waters and have struggled with my feelings towards it. For so long, I've thought that it's not a justifiable work-out because I'm not dripping sweat and out of breath. A few weeks ago, I bought a one-day pass to try out yoga at my gym and it was amazing. I've been so focused on how slow yoga is that until now, I haven't been able to appreciate that that's a huge benefit of it. We live such busy, go-go-go lives and what a gift to be able to etch out time for no one but yourself, to truly slow down (And with regards to it being a work-out - when you're shaking, you're definitely working those muscles). 

While running is a different kind of work-out, it is certainly time that I can carve out for me. It's easy to skip out on a run because there's just too much to do, but once I start, it's uninterrupted time for me. After Hope Express, I struggled with my motivation and reason for running. It was a tough adjustment, because I felt like I no longer had a good reason to run. I felt like it was an interruption to my life at times, instead of a gift of carved out, set aside time....which it is. 

All relationships change over time, so naturally my relationship with running has changed too. I still struggle to believe that I ran 18 miles as part of Hope Express and that there was a point in time that I was running 2x some days. I just today realized that this is the first year I ran 2 half-marathons. Ryan and I trained and ran our first race together - proof that love does conquer all. While living further from home, I feel closer than ever to many of my family and friends back East. My definition of family has grown immensely and my friends now include a group of people in Ann Arbor who make it really feel like home. 

Carrie Bradshaw taught us long ago that as we balance our relationships - with commitments, family, friends, work, passions, and goals - perhaps it's most important to remember the relationship we have with ourselves. It's easy to lose ourselves when we feel pulled in so many different directions, but we owe it to ourselves to un-gumby at times and  find ways to put ourselves first. Whether it's experimenting in the kitchen, reading in the bathtub, or running through the park, may we all remember to treat this most important relationship extra special.

Happy new year and here's to a wonderful, beautiful, special 2013!

A Lesson from Science

The holidays are filled with the best of things, but it sometimes feels like that comes at a price. I've noticed a reoccurring theme in conversations with friends and family this week, as the guilt from neglecting any resemblance of a healthy living has crept its way into our lives. I feel fortunate that I have a significant enough amount of time off from work that I can come home to visit family and friends and have time to relax, but as special events, visits, and gatherings invade my schedule, it becomes challenging to balance it all. Ironically enough, it's sometimes just as hard for me to "find time" to run or work out when my day is completely empty. It began to snow in the afternoon yesterday and I immediately thought it was a great excuse to stay in and spend some extra time on the treadmill in the basement. It never happened though. I found my way to the couch....and never left.

In a conversation with my cousin on Christmas Eve, my mom randomly but so timely paraphrased Sir Issac Newton - "Objects in motion stay in motion. Objects at rest stay at rest." It so perfectly summarized something I had been hinting at for months (if not forever, really). While we oftentimes complain of wanting and needing more time in the day, I know for me, it's hard to have a semi-busy day. It either is or isn't. It's either a rushed run or a non-existent workout. On free days when I have nothing but a run scheduled, I often find myself still managing to skip it. Sometimes when I have the most time, I get the least done.

As many people have, I have accepted that the best way to overcome this is to start early in the day. This morning, I smashed the Laws of Motion by getting the gym out of the way...and then slowing down to a snail-like pace the rest of the day. Take thatttt all-my-science-teachers-ever!

absence makes the heart grow fonder

I have not been a very diligent blogger lately. I'll assign blame to my shift in focus away from solely running to a more diverse work out schedule, something I wanted to do following the Detroit Half. Immediately following the run, I wasn't sure how quickly I'd want to jump right back in, and yes, it's been slow. Nevertheless, I've found myself looking forward to runs and noticing a difference when they're missing from my life. 

Yesterday, my family went to Rockland Lake, a favorite spot to run near my hometown. It felt good to head out as a family and it felt nice to just go for a run for the sake of running, without stressing. I ended up not being able to use my phone, so I couldn't track my time. While I would never volunteer to head out for a run without it, it was a pleasant change of pace and I enjoyed it. It felt good just to run.

Detroit Recap

It has been way too long since I last wrote and even longer since the Detroit Half. Not too good considering I still want to write a recap for that event. It's hard to just think about that and not everything else that has happened in the past month since I last posted, but maybe that will be motivation for me to be more present. So let's rewind five six weeks...

Ryan and I stayed downtown the night before the half, which was a great choice. In the morning, we just had to walk a few blocks to meet some friends, and then just another block to get into our corral. It made it much less stressful than I imagine it would have been had we driven in from Ann Arbor, had to find parking, etc. Nevertheless, my nerves were still out of control. It was frustrating and unsettling, especially since they blew a horn every time another wave crossed the starting line. It made my stomach jump!

It was still dark when we finally started, just about 20 minutes after 7AM. Once the sun started to rise, I started to feel a little lighter and more at ease, and I hoped the fact that I had to pee was just nerves and would go away (it wasn't and it didn't - ugh!). We saw Colleen just before we started up the ramp to cross the Ambassador Bridge into Canada, which was awesome - I greatly appreciated her coming out. It was a huge help.  Crossing the bridge was beautiful. It was PERFECT timing, as the sun was just started to come up over Windsor.  There were a ton of people out in Canada and we ran right along the water, with an awesome view of Detroit. Honestly, the weather could not have been more perfect! 

I tried to hold off, but I just couldn't, and when I saw what I thought would be a short line at the portapotties just before Mile 5, I decided to stop (which is only worth noting because it's never happened to me before). It was frustrating and hard, because Ryan and I were running together and we had wanted to run at least half of the race together, so he had to stop and wait for me.

The whole course was really cool. We ran through the (HOT!) tunnel back to the US and looped through some neat neighborhoods with lots of people out cheering. 

Ryan and I split up at Mile 10, which was bittersweet. I wanted him to go on and push himself, but I was oddly emotional. I spend so much time and effort encouraging those around me to simply try and to focus on the journey - it's not about where you end up, but about where you started, and then ended up. Nevertheless, I couldn't take my own advice. Knowing I was going to come in over all other halfs I'd done, I was frustrated and upset. Instead of celebrating that I was running another half-marathon and enjoying the accomplishment, I found myself fighting back tears.

When my always-supportive friends and family called and texted to ask about the race, it was hard to hide my feelings. It wasn't until later that night that I realized how much I was letting 2 miles of feelings overshadow the ENTIRE day, race, and training. Instead of acknowledging and accepting the facts (I did the best I could with training; I was aware of the fact that the lack of cross-training put me at a disadvantage; my knees had been bothering me on every long training run I had done leading up to the half), I was allowing myself to ignore the big picture - I had run a half-marathon...and I had done it with my best friend, a first for us. 

More than any other race I've run, this one certainly proved to me the most emotional. For whatever reason, it challenged me in a new way and with some distance now, I can say for sure that this too serves a purpose. Things aren't always what we want them to be, and that's okay, but even with the best support systems in the world, if we don't believe in ourselves, we won't get very far.