Looking Ahead to 2014: Goals and Resolutions

I always appreciate the start of a new year, a chance to etch out time for myself to reflect on where I've been and where I'm going. In the midst of our day-to-day lives, it can be easy to lose sight of our ability to asses and, oftentimes, make simple adjustments  that can possibly yield drastic results to improve aspects of life. I think about my desire, this year specifically, to really improve on particular aspects of my teaching. At the beginning of the year, I was able to create a realistic and practical plan for improving one specific aspect of teaching - questioning and discussion. I identified a book and a few articles that I thought would be beneficial and I read them quickly - it felt good to know my plan wasn't just a plan! Of course, reading about improving the quality of my questioning isn't going to do anything unless I can effectively put it into practice...and sometimes, that's where the breakdown is. In the daily grind, it can be easy to forget about the specifics of what I'm trying to improve. It oftentimes comes down to writing myself a note on my lesson plans or adding a reflection of some sort to the to-do list that sits on my desk. Even with the best of intentions, the train falls off the track when the conductor's retired to the dining car (not sure if that analogy was prepared to be taken THAT far, but you get the point). Setting a goal and having a plan is half the battle, but it sure an't the whole thing. 

My go-to role model/mentor/sensei for everything life, happiness, and life improvement, Gretchen Rubin, wrote about the idea of resolutions vs. goals in her first book, The Happiness Project. While we (people, including myself) enjoy the opportunity for change that comes along with the start of a new year, there's a distinction to be made between a resolution and a goal.  Rubin writes, "You hit a goal, you achieve a goal. You keep a resolution. I think that some objectives are better characterized as resolutions, others, as goals. 'Run in a marathon' or 'Become fluent in Spanish' is a good goal. It’s specific. It’s easy to tell when it has been achieved. Once you’ve done it, you’ve done it! 'Eat more vegetables' or 'Stop gossiping,' or 'Exercise' is better cast as a resolution. You won’t wake up one morning and find that you’ve achieved it. It’s something that you have to resolve to do, every day, forever. You’ll never be done with it." 

My instinct is to poo-poo goals opposed to resolutions, but I've come to realize the point isn't for one to be "better" than the other as much as it is to simply recognize there is a distinction between the two. While being more active is a resolution I will always be working on, setting the goal of running my first half-marathon was what helped me jump start it. While they are finite, I do well with goals, with the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a visible achievement. When I think about the upcoming year, I see a place, and even a need, for both goals and resolutions. Regardless of what you call it, these goals/resolutions require a lot of the same things - commitment, persistence, resiliance, and a dose of reality. 

And thus begins the real work - actually naming my goals and resolutions for 2014. 

THE (Other) One

Maybe I've been here before and maybe I'll be back here again, so pardon me for getting caught up in the emotions of it all, but I think I have found THE one - the person who makes me want to be a better person, who brings out a side of me I didn't know was there, who makes me slow down in the craziness of life. This person is my yoga instructor.

I started attending a Thursday night class at the gym in September, when I was attempting to create some semblance of a post-wedding schedule and life. She had subbed for an instructor for a class I was taking last year and I really enjoyed it. She made the experience what I wanted it to be, the reason I had continued to dabble with yoga.

I hear friends talk about finding "the (workout) one" and about the sparks that fly (ahem FBT), so I've spent some time thinking about this phenomenon, if you will. Maybe it's the fact that we can almost recreate ourselves, molding who we are into the person we want to be, through the eyes of someone else. Someone who doesn't know anything about you other than what you bring to the table in that hour, in that studio, on the bike, on that mat. Maybe it's their unobstructed attitude about the task at hand. I feel confident I've created an illusion, but it's one I'll hold on to just tightly enough to keep it close without bursting it with reality. 

Before Ryan and I started working together about six months ago, I wondered what it would be like to see and be seen in a new light, even by my own partner. It's mind blowing to me that our closest family and friends seem to almost have these "secret" lives we will never truly know. Some people call these secret lives "work," but it's really true. So much of what we know of someone's work life is through them and that's not to say it's a bad thing, but it's baffling to me. When I refer to my dad's work friends jokingly in conversation, I often feel like I'm making a joke or referring to imaginary people (since I've never met them, how could they possibly be real?!). Similarly, I could name dozens of friends' co-workers who I enjoy referring to, but really, I do it because to me, it sounds fake and funny. Now my husband and I drive to work together every day and everyone I know and interact with, he knows and interacts with. With that comes a lot of great things - empathy, combined forces to think up ideas I couldn't do without him, the ability to see that otherwise secret side I may never have seen...even though we are married. 

Like anything else, it's about finding a balance. For most people, there will naturally be parts of your life that cannot be completely shared with others. When that feels like it's not there, or maybe when even that's not enough, I find that going to the gym, running, or taking a class can feel like a chance to have something truly just for yourself. Nevertheless, the best support systems are those made up of the people who know all sides of us - who can celebrate our highs because they were there for the lows - but I guess I just like having a place, a person, who recognizes me in a light no one else knows. 

Managing it All

Each year when August rolls around and school returns, I feel like I'm relearning how to manage, with easy, all the moving pieces of life - how to juggle hours worth of lesson planning without feeling I've lost my whole weekend, how to allow for mid-week mental breaks, how to stay in better contact with loved ones far away, and literally how to find time to just get it all done. I'm so fortunate to have friends who know me so well, but when I was telling a friend the other day about this desire to better balance my professional and personal lives, she responded with something to the effect of, "You're always working on this." And she's completely right. I certainly am inching closer to developing more solid habits that help me to find the balance, but I have a sneaking suspicion that just when I think I've got it all together, new things will magically appear to fill my time. Of course, I want to get better about managing it all, but I don't think I'll ever get to that much-desired state of having endless free time that I so deeply think I desire. I don't think it's about getting it all done to free up time, but rather, about carving out time that's set aside for myself - my me time. There will always be more to do, but if I don't take the time to occasionally put myself first, who will?

Of course, that's where running comes in. In the race to do it all at work over this first months back, I had definitely been in a running lull and that's okay. But as I start to get back into a routine, I notice what I was missing. Time for myself doesn't usually just appear in front of me, carved out and ready to go. Just as I continue to practice on the balance beam of life, I continue to see the place running has in that act. It's not everyone's thing (I guess they call these things "hobbies"), but after nearly four years (!), I have come to recognize that's it mine. 

Today I saw this quote - "It is an ironic habit of human beings to run fast when we have lost our way" (Rollo May) - and I laughed. I love that, because it's so honest and true. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or inadequate at work, my gut reaction is to pour my time in to make everything better really quickly, but there comes a point when you need to take a step back and find your way. 

So despite all the reasons I could find to avoid running at this moment, I'm embracing i. With open arms, as my reset, my (cold) deep  breath, and my scheduled me time.