In February, I wrote about the feeling of calm that comes before the rest of the world wakes up on a snow day. Today, I was reminded of that same feeling, as I stepped out onto our balcony overlooking the bay here in Traverse City. It's certainly not that early, but early enough that no one else has made it down to the water just yet. In the busy world we live in, I can appreciate even the illusion of quiet and calm.
It's been almost a week since our wedding and I've spent a good part of the past week looking for words to talk about it all. I don't think there's any way to summarize something as wonderful as this...so I'm not sure it's worth trying. Leading up to last weekend, I was surprised as how generally calm I was. We needed to bring nearly everything to the venue several days before the wedding, so it was good to get those things completely done and off our hands early in the week. It was a strange feeling though to have little to do leading up to a day we had spent over a year planning. At times, it felt like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop...for something to catch me off guard and send me off my rocker, like a detail I claimed to not care at all about that suddenly was going to ruin the entire weekend. I'm proud to say I made it through the whole weekend without that though. I had thought about it a lot beforehand and I didn't want to spend the whole wedding so busy worrying that things wouldn't go right that I missed all the amazing things that were happening. I can see how easy it is to get fixated on it needing to all be perfect, especially if you're someone who has an eye for these sorts of things...decorations, colors, flowers. We, being me and Ryan, our parents and our bridal party and friends, spent a lot of time over the past year preparing for this one day, and it felt good to finally just let go of all the worrying, and be in the moment.
I was talking recently with a friend who was impressed by my having run a few half-marathons. Having only known this person since I've moved to Ann Arbor, it was hard to emphasize how I haven't always been a runner...it has been and continues to be a lot of work to be able to say I've run that distance. When I think about why I have and will continue to do it, a big reason is all of the emotions that come along with it, particularly at the end. Like planning a wedding, training for a race takes months of hard work, compromise, and commitment. While the days leading up to a race can be overwhelming and even frightening, I'm always reminded that at that point, the hard work is (err, or isn't) done. All you can do is let go, enjoy the time you've put in, trust yourself, and be present in the moment. For me, it's worth the months of hard work to just be able to let go. It seems we're always so busy, there's always going to be something big going on. We always dream about this idea of "later," when things aren't so hectic, but is there really that time? Oddly enough, for me, running is a chance to stop, feel, and just be.
I always hear people say that their wedding was the best of their life and I've realized now that that's possible - we are all going to have different best days. I feel a little like I'm jumping on the bandwagon, but for me, it's true as well. As crazy as that day was, there were moments within it that I will always remember so clearly, moments I've deemed my "mental snapshots" (thank you Jim and Pam), where their memory brings the exact emotions of those moments back - breakfast with some of my best friends outside on the patio that morning; seeing Ryan for the first time that afternoon; sandwiched between my parents, deep breaths taken just before walking down the aisle; watching from the balcony before being introduced to what would be a ridiculously perfect party.
I'm going to throw it out there and guess that life is never going to slow down. There will be moments we remember to take those mental snapshots, but the rest of our days will keep flying by. Having things that anchor us - runs that give us nothing but time to think, races that allow us to appreciate everything and everyone in our lives - help make sure we remember to slow down, stop worrying for even just for a little, and enjoy it...things that make sure we don't just drift through it all.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Getting Married in the Morning!
I've said it before and I'll say it again - one of my most favorite things about running (and then blogging about it) is how much of a metaphor it is for the rest of life. Tomorrow will be a huge day in my life - our wedding! - so it's only natural that yet again I make the comparison as I reflect on everything that has led up to this day.
In the course of a single year of wedding planning, you are asked how it's going an incredible amount of times. I'm not pointing fingers - my engaged friends will tell you I do the same thing - but I realized quickly how hard it is to give a true answer. Usually, I respond with whatever was happening RIGHT then - a big cross-off on the to-do list or a recent time suck over a very minor detail. But to really summarize how it's ALL going? All of the things you do and feelings you feel and people involved? That's much harder to do.
I went for a run on Wednesday to the park where Ryan and I got engaged and with so much going on this week, I appreciated the time to be by myself and think. One of the last things left to do this week has been writing thank you cards to our parents and the bridal party. I thought about all the times during this past year that I have tried my hardest to express my gratitude for EVERYTHING they have done for me and for us. After a beautiful and thoughtful bridal shower, I choked my way through a short thank you, sent an email and wrote thank you cards. After an incredible weekend away with all my girlfriends in AC, I tried yet again with phone calls and more words. As I began writing this final expression of my appreciation, I just now realizing that it is never going to be enough. I've wanted so badly to be able to truly convey what this year has meant to me. Of course, it's about me and Ryan, but we decided to have the wedding we're having because having our family and friends be a big part of it was so important to us. They have truly made this year, and will make this weekend, what it was for us.
And so when I reflect back on this past year, what stands out are the moments with the people we love so much - getting engaged with our families nearby to celebrate; the excitement and love we received after sending out our bookmarks; knowing that our friends from Michigan are coming all the way out here this; walking into a bridal shower that was a product of SO much time, thoughtfulness, love and effort, with so many amazing women in my life present; doing so again just two months later in AC; being with our families just last night and hearing them laugh together the way that they do together. It feels incredibly great to have it feel exactly how I wanted it to feel going into this weekend. For all of the time we have all put into the details, if I were to summarize this last year, they would have no part in it. I didn't want to become so consumed in details (which is easy to do with this, let me tell you!) that I lost sight of who and what really mattered about this weekend. My summary would be a snapshot of these favorite moments and the feelings that accompanied them.
On Wednesday's run, I thought about the races I've done, and all the support and love I've received along the road to race day. While I know there were days when I got caught up in the details (and have the blog posts to prove it), just as with this year of planning, when I think back to it all now, it's the people and the feelings that stick out most. I never would have run even one half - or any of the runs that prepared me for them - without training runs with countless number of my biggest fans; my parents's encouragement and confidence in me; texts, emails, and calls of encouragement and well wishes; cheerleaders on every course rooting me on and bringing a smile to my face. I tear up just thinking about it....maybe that's what keeps me connected to running. It's a clear reminder to me of how fortunate I am for the support system that I have. I couldn't have done any of those races without it...and I wouldn't have wanted to.
Reflecting on the parallels between running and this last year, I think I've finally realized what I was bound to realize eventually. There will never be a point in time when I feel like I've truly expressed my gratitude for what all of my support systems - my parents and family, my friends, and of course, Ryan - have done for me. I can write as many emails and cards as I want, and choke my way through as many verbal thank you's as I am willing to attempt, but if things keeping going the way they're going, I will inevitably always be left feeling like I got a really good end of the stick. Into our married life (!!!), I know this will continue to be a blessing for us....to have people we can lean on when we need to, and people we can share our lives with.
If the only thing left to do the morning before our wedding is just to feel all the feelings - gratitude, love, appreciation, excitement - then I consider myself pretty lucky....but also a little stuck. I'm not sure this one will ever get crossed off the to-do list.
In the course of a single year of wedding planning, you are asked how it's going an incredible amount of times. I'm not pointing fingers - my engaged friends will tell you I do the same thing - but I realized quickly how hard it is to give a true answer. Usually, I respond with whatever was happening RIGHT then - a big cross-off on the to-do list or a recent time suck over a very minor detail. But to really summarize how it's ALL going? All of the things you do and feelings you feel and people involved? That's much harder to do.
I went for a run on Wednesday to the park where Ryan and I got engaged and with so much going on this week, I appreciated the time to be by myself and think. One of the last things left to do this week has been writing thank you cards to our parents and the bridal party. I thought about all the times during this past year that I have tried my hardest to express my gratitude for EVERYTHING they have done for me and for us. After a beautiful and thoughtful bridal shower, I choked my way through a short thank you, sent an email and wrote thank you cards. After an incredible weekend away with all my girlfriends in AC, I tried yet again with phone calls and more words. As I began writing this final expression of my appreciation, I just now realizing that it is never going to be enough. I've wanted so badly to be able to truly convey what this year has meant to me. Of course, it's about me and Ryan, but we decided to have the wedding we're having because having our family and friends be a big part of it was so important to us. They have truly made this year, and will make this weekend, what it was for us.
And so when I reflect back on this past year, what stands out are the moments with the people we love so much - getting engaged with our families nearby to celebrate; the excitement and love we received after sending out our bookmarks; knowing that our friends from Michigan are coming all the way out here this; walking into a bridal shower that was a product of SO much time, thoughtfulness, love and effort, with so many amazing women in my life present; doing so again just two months later in AC; being with our families just last night and hearing them laugh together the way that they do together. It feels incredibly great to have it feel exactly how I wanted it to feel going into this weekend. For all of the time we have all put into the details, if I were to summarize this last year, they would have no part in it. I didn't want to become so consumed in details (which is easy to do with this, let me tell you!) that I lost sight of who and what really mattered about this weekend. My summary would be a snapshot of these favorite moments and the feelings that accompanied them.
On Wednesday's run, I thought about the races I've done, and all the support and love I've received along the road to race day. While I know there were days when I got caught up in the details (and have the blog posts to prove it), just as with this year of planning, when I think back to it all now, it's the people and the feelings that stick out most. I never would have run even one half - or any of the runs that prepared me for them - without training runs with countless number of my biggest fans; my parents's encouragement and confidence in me; texts, emails, and calls of encouragement and well wishes; cheerleaders on every course rooting me on and bringing a smile to my face. I tear up just thinking about it....maybe that's what keeps me connected to running. It's a clear reminder to me of how fortunate I am for the support system that I have. I couldn't have done any of those races without it...and I wouldn't have wanted to.
Reflecting on the parallels between running and this last year, I think I've finally realized what I was bound to realize eventually. There will never be a point in time when I feel like I've truly expressed my gratitude for what all of my support systems - my parents and family, my friends, and of course, Ryan - have done for me. I can write as many emails and cards as I want, and choke my way through as many verbal thank you's as I am willing to attempt, but if things keeping going the way they're going, I will inevitably always be left feeling like I got a really good end of the stick. Into our married life (!!!), I know this will continue to be a blessing for us....to have people we can lean on when we need to, and people we can share our lives with.
If the only thing left to do the morning before our wedding is just to feel all the feelings - gratitude, love, appreciation, excitement - then I consider myself pretty lucky....but also a little stuck. I'm not sure this one will ever get crossed off the to-do list.
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