The Scoop

The weather has been BEAUTIFUL the past few weeks, and while that should be a huge plus for my running, it's been a big challenge. With no "ease in," I've struggled on extremely warm days (oh hi 80 degrees in March), failing to remember the things I have done differently in the summer...since it's pretty much felt like summer. Also, my natural change in motivation has been a big frustration. Just one month ago, I was at the peek of my running...and with good reason. I had been training for months, knowing I was going to run the toughest miles of my life for the kids...anything I could do, any pain I could take away, so they could just be kids, so their fight wouldn't be so hard. All that being said, I've struggled to find purpose in my runs now, and while I have a sprinkling of good reasons, they're light and fluffy, and leave me questioning myself.

With the Lansing Half in four weeks from today, I'm trying to just adjust my mindset and expectations...or rather, have them meet somewhere in the middle. I'm not where I was a month ago, so I can't be disappointed when my results accurately reflect where I am now. And that's not a bad thing. Completing 13.1 miles is still a huge deal to me, and I just don't want to overshadow that with feelings of could've/should've.

We only get what we give

My (running) life after Hope Express has been a struggle. With the fortunate gift of the week off following HE, I gave myself a much needed break from running. That being said, it's been really hard getting out there since then. While at first I felt the usual symptoms of PRD (post-race depression), I quickly realized that my sole reason for running was no longer there..and I had had a really, really motivating reason to run! It stunk.

It was exceptionally beautiful for early March today and yet still, it was a push to get myself going! As soon as I took my first steps though, I was thrilled to be out there. My immediate reason for running has no doubt changed, but that doesn't change my feelings about running and, more importantly, the feelings I get from running.

It seemed perfect that the first few minutes of the run were soundtracked by a new playlist favorite, the New Radicals' "You Get What You Give." The song reminds me how true it is that in order to get all that running has to offer, you need to give (i.e. get off the couch, choose running over more exciting things like sitting on the couch, etc). If I want to keep getting the feel goods from running, I need to keep at it. Seems obvious, I know, but it's yet another minor epiphany.

Anyway, when I was still on the high of Hope Express, I carried through on my intention to register for my next half-marathon - running the inaugural Lansing Half on April 22! I think I've gone through the natural post-event mourning stages, and with all the incredible memories and moments stored in my heart, I am ready to move onto the next event...if for no other reason than I just have to. The love, dedication, and incredible hearts of those I had the honor of running with and running for during Hope Express will fuel me on some many of the miles that lay ahead of me. I am hopeful and confident that I will have the honor of running for the reason behind HE again - the kids - in some capacity, but I need to honest about what I'm running for...and right now, it's okay that I'm just running for me.

Hope Express 2012 - Leg 3/THON

(I'm dragging my feet here, but here is the final post about Hope Express 2012!)

After that second leg, I didn't even let myself really think twice about the last one. I knew Ryan, along with his parents and mine, would be meeting us at the start of my leg, and, even better, I was going to have company! Allie and Morgan (and then Mark) had all said they were going to run with me. I felt a little badly, because part of me wanted to prove I could do it on my own...but that wasn't why they were joining in. They each had their own reasons for wanting to run, and I was just nice enough to offer up my leg to share (you offer and it's yours!).

Obviously having company totally changed the last leg, because it was social! Allie, Morgan, and Mark were all part of last year's HE team with me, so that alone made it extra special to be running together. I consider these three some of the most legit runners I know, so getting to run with them, especially in the name of a cause we all care about so much, was a huge honor....and made it fun, instead of 6 miles focusing on the pain and need for sleep. Thanks to them/that run, I have officially accepted the fact that I am a RUNNER!....seems a little obvious, but it was a good pill to swallow.

It's always so special to be back at THON, and after we arrived to State College and had just enough time to shower/eat real food, we ran the final mile together as a team and went on stage at THON. Every time I'm there brings me back to when I danced in 2008. There's no doubt in my mind that some of my most treasured memories from PSU/in life have been made at THON. Being on state with the HE team is just another to add to the jar.

The whole weekend was wonderful, spent with teammates, family, and friends. We had to leave mid-afternoon on Sunday, since Ryan had classes on Monday AM (and lots of work he neglected thanks to me!). We listened to some of family hour - a time when Four Diamonds families share their inspirational stories - in the car, but it cut in and out. I really wanted to see the total be revealed at 4:00, so we stopped at a rest stop in Ohio to eat Panera/set up shop. Luckily, we had a good connection and streaming was working well. It was amazing to see the total - $10,686,924.83 raised FOR THE KIDS! I didn't think I could feel any better/happier/more on top of the world after such an incredible weekend, but that did it. That sent me over the moon.

The entire thing was amazing (I'm running out of words to use to even try to describe it all!), and I am so grateful for ALL the amazing people in my life who helped me, with their words, encouragement, donations, and runner's mail. Hope Express is always hard to explain, so as a thank you/peek into the event, I made a video to share the event with the people who mean the most to me.

Hope Express 2012 - Mail Call/Leg 2

After enjoying a nice chocolate milk, I had from midnight to about 6am before I had to even think about running again. In this time, I stretched and roll out my muscles, and while I wanted to try to sneak in a few minutes of sleep, there was a part of me that just didn't want to miss anything (and I just couldn't fall asleep!). The weather got crummy after my leg, with an intense fog in which we could barely see just in front of the RV. We drove our first mountains, which is always tricky...you feel for the runner who is about to climb said mountain on foot. This would be the time when having telepathic powers would be most useful to me, to tell my teammates how awesome they were and how much I knew they could do it. Lauren killed her first mountain and then Mark destroyed his. I have no words for the respect I have for these two as runners and, more importantly, as people. They have so much heart - it's amazing.

At around 6am, our amazing moralers brought us over an enormous mailbox containing all of our mail! It was perfect timing, as I knew I had

my hardest run coming up. I laughed and cried my way through several packages and dozens of letters. I cannot even begin to say how grateful I felt for all of the love and support, all of the encouraging words and messages of love. Many cards and letters reminded me why I was

running and talked about the kids who fight every single day and never give up. Others had me laughing so hard I was in tears - funny pictures, goofy cards - and those reminded me to not take myself so seriously....and helped me from completely freaking out before starting that second leg.

I knew going into it that that second leg was going to be my greatest challenge. From what I thought I knew, Bobby was climbing a mountain and I was responsible for getting us over the last mile of it, and then alllll the way down. I know very well how mental running is, so I had prepped myself for this.....relying heavily on the fact that my calculations and assumptions were true. I was VERY focused on getting through one brutal mile....which turned out to be 3+ miles. While it started out as a slow incline, it turned vertical fast. It's hard to describe what went

down in those miles, both in actuality and in my mind, but I'll tell you this - it was the hardest run I have ever and most likely will ever run in my life. The hummer had taken a pit stop to use the bathroom, so a car of AMAZING moralers were trailing me and it honestly brings me to tears just thinking about how much they kept me going, getting out of the car to encourage me on. Having them and Ryan's determined dad, Rege, who popped up continuously throughout the entire journey, helped to keep me from dropping to the pavement. I kept telling myself that the only way I could, and would, be able to enjoy the down would be if I fought my way to the top...and that's life. We get through the tough times and they help us to appreciate the blessings we have (or in my case, a few miles of down hill :O).

When I finally saw the signs warning trucks to slow down and prepare for a decline, I was able to take some deep breaths, dry my eyes, and realize I was actually going to make it the rest of the way. I nearly lost my breath again when U2's "Beautiful Day" came on and I had an incredible view of the world below me. I remember the exact moment during last year's run (running at 2am in the calm of the dark night) when I realized how beyond lucky I was for the chance to run like a crazy person for something I care so much about.

Again, there is so much more I could attempt to say, but I will

share it for my HE teammates in my recap to them. When I finally saw the RV and heard everyone cheering, marking the end of my second leg, I lost it again and broke down. A few hours later, I told Ryan about a Henry Ford quote that was hanging up in the RV and he shared this one with me - "Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right." Can I get an AMEN!?

Hope Express 2012 - Hershey/Leg 1

Hope Express serves to connect the families at Hershey Medical to the dancers at Penn State's amazing THON, a 46-hour "no sitting, no

sleeping, no KIDDING!" dance marathon that raises money to help in the fight against pediatric cancer for those being treated at Hershey Medical. Hope Express begins at the hospital, with a party on the 7th floor. We quite literally take two backpacks filled with letters from families at Hershey and our mission is to get them to THON to give to the dancers.

Being at Hershey is incredible. I participated in THON all 4 of my years at Penn State, but it wasn't until last year's Hope Express that I was able to visit the place where PSU donates millions of dollars each year. It feels so special to be there and it's a blast hanging out with the kids. It's just one extra reminder of why we're about to run.

The energy before the run was awesome. Three different news channels came out to interview and report on HE. There were cheerleaders and the Nittany Lion, not to mention dozens of moralers already spoiling us and showering us with so much love (particularly my incredible moraler, Janine, who sent me this AWESOME basket of goodies and treats!).

The run took off at 6pm and the first few handoffs are "hot spots," or places where a fundraiser or big viewing is going on. One of our runners, Bekah, is a middle school teacher, and her middle school (which I got to run past last year!) is wonderful and raised $6,000 (!!!) this year - wow! Both the Extreme and Express teams run together until mile 30, where the teams split up and take two completely different routes, not to see each other until State College. My first leg was at the split and after it had been done to our Express team last year, the Extremers decided I was to sprint off at the handoff, instead of a nice, relaxing hug and handoff with Natalie. And with that...I was off! My apologies to Steph from the Express team :O).

My first leg was from around 11pm-midnight and it went great. It was misting a little and a bit foggy, but nothing too bad (not as bad as it got later in the night). Aside from a random pick-up truck asking if I needed help ("Is that guy

following you?" - referring to the Hummer following me while I ran in the middle of the road....), it was quiet and peaceful. My shins were definitely acting up a bit, which made me nervous with all I knew I had up ahead of me, but the 6 miles went pretty quickly (especially after

such a fast start), and before I knew it, I saw the lights of the RV and heard the cheers of the moralers! Normally, the next runner is there

waiting with open arms, ready to be slammed with a hug, but Lauren was in the Hummer that had been trailing me...hence my look of "Where to?!"

After each hand off, the RV drives to the next hand-off point, 6 miles away. It's mostly a lot of hanging out on the RV, waiting, snacking (or avoiding less-than-ideal pre-running snacks), and talking. Every stop along the way, our herd of moralers were there, cranking up their music and having a dance party along the side of the road as they waited for the runner to get there. Every stop along the way, we were contemplating our bathroom options in the middle of nowhere.

Hope Express 2012 - Part 1

"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great." - Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

wow. wow. wow.

It is going to take several days and many posts to even attempt to get down all I want, or rather need, to about this past weekend. There are so many aspects, epiphanies, people, thank you's, memories, moments, messages of love. I'm beyond grateful for the fact that I have this week off, because I have no idea how I would have been able to so quickly resume normal life. This extra week gives me a buffer, allows me time to even try to digest it all.

Throughout the whole experience, starting months ago before I even knew I'd be running as part of this year's team, I have been completely taken with the incredible amount of support from my family and friends, both close and extended. There were several times throughout the run where I literally had no words - cheers from the passing RV, my #1 cheerleader camped out along the course and jumping out to run with me, the constant support from our incredible moralers, mail call letters that brought me to tears - I honestly just put my hands over my heart. There were, and still are, no words for the overwhelming gratitude I feel. With both teams, Hope Express is compromised of 23 runners, but it is SO much more than that - it is a dozen drivers who are ON for a full 24+ hours; it's the incredible moralers who never stopped cheering us on; it's the family and friends who came out to support us along the route from Hershey to State College; it's the literally hundreds of people who supported us with their donations, their mail, their kind words and well wishes.

I can't help but think of how magical life would be if we all worked together like that all the time. When a group of people come together for a common purpose, it is quite magical. For me, running represents commitment, hard work, and challenge, and the 140 miles we covered from Hershey to Penn State consisted of all of that. Our course was brutal, but the way everyone supported one another made it possible. I was in awe of my teammates and how awesome they were, and while I was terrified leading up to the event that I wasn't good enough, wouldn't be able to do my part, the amount of love and support I felt from so many important people in my life - people I've known for years and people I just met - helped me to do my part.

What is Hope Express?

So much more to come in a little bit!

PSU Thon, Hope Express Join Forces - Video - WGAL The Susquehanna Valley

Hope Express Helps Raise Thousands for Four Diamonds Fund