The Scoop

The weather has been BEAUTIFUL the past few weeks, and while that should be a huge plus for my running, it's been a big challenge. With no "ease in," I've struggled on extremely warm days (oh hi 80 degrees in March), failing to remember the things I have done differently in the summer...since it's pretty much felt like summer. Also, my natural change in motivation has been a big frustration. Just one month ago, I was at the peek of my running...and with good reason. I had been training for months, knowing I was going to run the toughest miles of my life for the kids...anything I could do, any pain I could take away, so they could just be kids, so their fight wouldn't be so hard. All that being said, I've struggled to find purpose in my runs now, and while I have a sprinkling of good reasons, they're light and fluffy, and leave me questioning myself.

With the Lansing Half in four weeks from today, I'm trying to just adjust my mindset and expectations...or rather, have them meet somewhere in the middle. I'm not where I was a month ago, so I can't be disappointed when my results accurately reflect where I am now. And that's not a bad thing. Completing 13.1 miles is still a huge deal to me, and I just don't want to overshadow that with feelings of could've/should've.

We only get what we give

My (running) life after Hope Express has been a struggle. With the fortunate gift of the week off following HE, I gave myself a much needed break from running. That being said, it's been really hard getting out there since then. While at first I felt the usual symptoms of PRD (post-race depression), I quickly realized that my sole reason for running was no longer there..and I had had a really, really motivating reason to run! It stunk.

It was exceptionally beautiful for early March today and yet still, it was a push to get myself going! As soon as I took my first steps though, I was thrilled to be out there. My immediate reason for running has no doubt changed, but that doesn't change my feelings about running and, more importantly, the feelings I get from running.

It seemed perfect that the first few minutes of the run were soundtracked by a new playlist favorite, the New Radicals' "You Get What You Give." The song reminds me how true it is that in order to get all that running has to offer, you need to give (i.e. get off the couch, choose running over more exciting things like sitting on the couch, etc). If I want to keep getting the feel goods from running, I need to keep at it. Seems obvious, I know, but it's yet another minor epiphany.

Anyway, when I was still on the high of Hope Express, I carried through on my intention to register for my next half-marathon - running the inaugural Lansing Half on April 22! I think I've gone through the natural post-event mourning stages, and with all the incredible memories and moments stored in my heart, I am ready to move onto the next event...if for no other reason than I just have to. The love, dedication, and incredible hearts of those I had the honor of running with and running for during Hope Express will fuel me on some many of the miles that lay ahead of me. I am hopeful and confident that I will have the honor of running for the reason behind HE again - the kids - in some capacity, but I need to honest about what I'm running for...and right now, it's okay that I'm just running for me.

Hope Express 2012 - Leg 3/THON

(I'm dragging my feet here, but here is the final post about Hope Express 2012!)

After that second leg, I didn't even let myself really think twice about the last one. I knew Ryan, along with his parents and mine, would be meeting us at the start of my leg, and, even better, I was going to have company! Allie and Morgan (and then Mark) had all said they were going to run with me. I felt a little badly, because part of me wanted to prove I could do it on my own...but that wasn't why they were joining in. They each had their own reasons for wanting to run, and I was just nice enough to offer up my leg to share (you offer and it's yours!).

Obviously having company totally changed the last leg, because it was social! Allie, Morgan, and Mark were all part of last year's HE team with me, so that alone made it extra special to be running together. I consider these three some of the most legit runners I know, so getting to run with them, especially in the name of a cause we all care about so much, was a huge honor....and made it fun, instead of 6 miles focusing on the pain and need for sleep. Thanks to them/that run, I have officially accepted the fact that I am a RUNNER!....seems a little obvious, but it was a good pill to swallow.

It's always so special to be back at THON, and after we arrived to State College and had just enough time to shower/eat real food, we ran the final mile together as a team and went on stage at THON. Every time I'm there brings me back to when I danced in 2008. There's no doubt in my mind that some of my most treasured memories from PSU/in life have been made at THON. Being on state with the HE team is just another to add to the jar.

The whole weekend was wonderful, spent with teammates, family, and friends. We had to leave mid-afternoon on Sunday, since Ryan had classes on Monday AM (and lots of work he neglected thanks to me!). We listened to some of family hour - a time when Four Diamonds families share their inspirational stories - in the car, but it cut in and out. I really wanted to see the total be revealed at 4:00, so we stopped at a rest stop in Ohio to eat Panera/set up shop. Luckily, we had a good connection and streaming was working well. It was amazing to see the total - $10,686,924.83 raised FOR THE KIDS! I didn't think I could feel any better/happier/more on top of the world after such an incredible weekend, but that did it. That sent me over the moon.

The entire thing was amazing (I'm running out of words to use to even try to describe it all!), and I am so grateful for ALL the amazing people in my life who helped me, with their words, encouragement, donations, and runner's mail. Hope Express is always hard to explain, so as a thank you/peek into the event, I made a video to share the event with the people who mean the most to me.